thankfully

i'm sitting on my sofa. tuesday morning. 7:57 am. i've got laundry going, coffee steaming, jack is...

hold up! jack is at school, and i didn't take him. i'm not on my way in to work. heck, i'm still in my pajamas!!

THIS MUST BE WHAT VACATION FEELS LIKE!

in a few hours, we three will be heading to the airport. spider dog will be having his own new experience at pet camp. other family members will be heading to georgia. and maryland. and we will be winging our way to The Magic Kingdom.

we will have a week of mouse-ear shaped foods and fastpasses. it will snow on Main Street USA. we will have Chinese food (or Thai or Italian or STEAK) for Thanksgiving dinner.

i will turn 40.

and i will NOT check my work email. i WILL blog and i WILL facebook and i WILL spend part of my first evening of vacation programming a new phone (since mine inexplicably will NOT unlock. what's with that?!? i can answer calls, but THAT'S IT!! motorola and verizon - you BOTH have MUCH to learn about customer service. but THAT is a story for another day...)

but for right now, i'm sitting on my sofa in my p.js. watching Nie on the Today Show and channeling kristi's amazing vacationing karma.

i am so thankful for this vacation. i am ready for the Magic.

photoless phriday - the last of the thirties edition

do you ever do those countdown-to-something-big thing? you know, this is the last full day of school before vacation; this is the last Christmas in this house; this is the last vacation with no children (one child, two children, etc)... i'm there now. within the last week of. the final days of.

truth be told, i've spent the better part of the past 24 hours in tears. inexplicable waves of emotion. heart-wrending sobs in the shower. stifled sniffles and dewy eyelashes. i'm doing myself no favors by listening to an eternal playlist of kate bush and brandi carlile and dido and sarah mclachlan.

part of this is shear exhaustion. i haven't had a break from this hotel life since last january.

part of this is tender memories of last fall and early winter. the time when we were losing Grabbie.

part of this is vacation-related-stress. i've never been on vacation with just my two before. i'm all of a sudden feeling like one hotel room is a small place for three vivacious personalities.

but part of this, a big part, is the-countdown-to-something. the last days of a significant part of my life. the inevitable "have i accomplished the things i had hoped to accomplished?" "am i where i want to be?" "am i WHO i want to be?" for a startling moment last night, the only phrase i could utter was "i want to go home."

even more startling, i was convinced that "home" was not a place i have found. yet.

i am doing my best to entertain the notion that "forty is the new thirty." or whatever. but i don't want a new thirty. in fact, i kind of want a chance to do my old thirties over again. not all of them. but some. definitely some.

i've turned off the music now. it's gotten to be a little much, even for me. i'm going to spend the rest of this last friday doing the things i normally do: most likely enjoying pizza in my pajamas, with my boys, watching a movie. maybe knitting.

and tomorrow, i've got to get up and coach the last soccer game of my thirties. so, there's something!

happy weekend!!

thankFULL

i am thankful for TWO Thanksgiving covered dish meals today.

and thankful for elastic waist pants.

i am thankful that i have shared TEN Thanksgiving meals with the team at Hampton Inn Southport over the years.

and thankful that vacation is near.

i am thankful that today is Beaujolais Day.

and thankful for the digestive aid of a glass of good red wine.

wordless wednesday

 

 

disclaimer: i did NOT make this, it was a wedding gifr from matty's grandmother. we bring it out every year around Thanksgiving and use it through the holidays.

win, lose or...

so, can we talk about this soccer thing?

you might remember a few months ago, our soccer league was scrambling for coaches; specifically coaches in my son's age group; more specifically... coaches for my son's team (of course.) i deftly avoided hanging a whistle around my neck by agreeing to be the "assistant" coach to a very competent coach who stepped up at the last minute. whew!

my duties as assistant coach were pretty minimal: organize the snack bringers, remind parents what color jersey to have clean for the upcoming game (we alternate between white and blue jerseys), show up at practices for moral support, help with the phone tree when rain forced us to cancel, etc., etc. i was really good at doing all of those things.

and competent coach was doing a great job out on the field! trust me, i know how challenging it can be to herd nine Under-10-year-olds into something that resembles a cohesive team. i know how challenging it can be to convince them that they don't all want to play goalie at the same time. i know how challenging it can be to get them to keep their hands to themselves.

i know this now, because all of a sudden, i realize i've spent the second half of the season being The Coach.

oh, yes. first it was, "hey, can you cover this practice?" then it was, "can you cover the make-up game on thursday night, because I have an exam." and then, "my sons have been diagnosed with the flu, and i'm not feeling so great myself." and finally,"my flu has turned into bronchitis and possibly pneumonia so, guess what? i won't be there saturday. can you cover the game?"

uhhhhh...

so, that is the story of how i became the soccer coach for the U-10 Hurricanes. i don't begrudge coach his families' illnesses, and i certainly am grateful that the pox has not fallen upon my household. but? "coaching" has stressed me out. (like i needed anything else to stress me out these days. fortieth birthday approaching? hello?!?)

i feel that i've been competent in my substitute role. i've run drills, i've remembered to bring a jersey for the goalie, i've communicated effectively with the other coaches, i've overcome absences and i've even finally learned something more than the most basic of soccer rules. the kids have even called me "coach," and i feel like we've found a middle ground between total chaos and championship team. we've definitely shown progress, and we've even won a few games!!

have i enjoyed it? no. i get stressed out before each game, wondering if i'm going to upset a child (or worse, their parent) by substituting too much, or not enough; by not giving everyone a fair shot at goalie. by not noticing that so-and-so is calling so-and-so an "idiot." every time i call "SUB," i worry that we didn't have possession of the ball and that i've made an agregious soccer error.

my child seems more stressed when i'm coaching. it's tough to appreciate the nuance between "mom" and "mom-who-is-coaching-right-now-honey."

we had our last game yesterday, and we just have the soccer festival standing between us and the end of the season (and vacation. and forty...) i feel good about my participation, even if my original plan to avoid coaching at all costs didn't quite pan out. i think i was a fair coach, full of encouragement and praise and gentle reminders. i also realize that, for my son at least, i actually would like a a coach who is full of drills and enthusiasm and athleticism. (i don't feel like jack made a lot of technical advances this season.) what can i say? i'm driven. and, i appreciate someone who can lead the drive.

one of the parents said to me recently, "you're doing a great job." i immediately whipped my head around, looking for lurking soccer league administrators. "don't say that too loud," i admonished in a whispered frenzy, "i don't want them to call me next season!"

gee, thanks!

i am in the middle of "budget season," and i am both bored and stressed by the whole operation, but i'm thankful i have the opportunity to have serious input into the budget that i will be expected to uphold in 2010...

i have to go to a Rotary District dinner this evening, 45 minutes away from my cozy home, but i'm thankful for the time that i will be able to spend in the car with my dad...

today's "feelings about 40" are leaning toward the melancholy and i really need to find time to deal with renewing my driver's license, but i'm thankful that vacation is just a few short weeks away...

wordless wednesday