amuse-bouche

spt

2012-01-17T15:13:00.001-05:00

big things happening at hampton inn southport!! like my hat?

twenty eleven

2011-12-29T11:22:00.002-05:00

i was just wrapping up my journal writing for the year, and i reread last year's words. it's no secret that 2010 was a crappy year for me. i was waxing about how the pendulum seems to swing between good years and bad years. in short, i finished last year with one request... for the pendulum to swing back.well, 2011 was better. so much better. but, i've gotta tell you. the pendulum didn't merely swing back as much as i PUSHED it back with every fiber of my being. and i honestly didn't mind the hard work1

1. What did you do in 2011 that you’d never done before? ran SEVEN races!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i don't know that i planned to make a resolution for 2011. but on the night of January 1st, in response to a tweet from a stranger, i peeled myself off of the sofa, where i had been lounging in pajamas all day, got on the scale and had a mini meltdown. on January 2nd, i downloaded The 30 Day Shred, and I honestly never looked back. I was having the resolution conversation with a friend earlier, and it occurred to me that, for the first time in my adult life, i merely have to "continue" doing the good things i started doing this past year. and that, my friends, feels very, VERY good!!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my niece, Danielle, was born in March
4. Did anyone close to you die? my grandfather, Pop-Pop
5. What countries did you visit? can i just rewrite this question?!? let's talk about the fun places i went in THIS country: Asheville, D.C., Charlottesville, Orlando, Philly and New York were the highlights.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011? the courage to make the really big changes
7. What dates from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? December 31st, when i walked out my front door and ran 10 miles. i will remember this because of the really bad sports bra rash ;)8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? running. losing weight. blogging every day of September. changing my life.
9. What was your biggest failure? missing the wedding of a great friend. and neglecting my blog every month but September.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no!
11. What was the best thing you bought? the iPad
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? is it okay to say mine?
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? any adult who ever took advantage of a child in their care
14. Where did most of your money go? new running shoes (two pairs!), race entry fees, our trip to NY15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? i got really, really, really excited about getting "fitted" for running shoes.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? Beautiful Trash (Lanu), Closer to the Edge (30 Seconds to Mars), Kiss Me Slowly (Parachute), Lost in You (Three Days Grace), New York Groove (Ace Frehley), Whenever (BEP)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer? Happier, thinner, richer. it feels incredibly good to be able to say this!
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Traveled
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? Complained
20. Did you fall in love in 2011? Yes
21. What was your favorite TV program? Parenthood. Please pass the tissues.
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? i liked someone less
23. What was the best book you read? Born to Run
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Anything from Australia, thanks to a new friend!
25. What did you want and get? great running shoes, a new 10 year journal
26. What did you want and not get? i am lucky to be able to say "nothing"
27. What was your favorite film of this year? The Muppet Movie
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 42 in my hometown of Greenport, NY with some of my oldest and dearest friends
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? meeting my friends who live in my phone
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? Old Navy
31. What kept you sane? running. counting calories. working out. texting.

i really have no complaints about 2011. i feel good! i look good! i am surrounding myself with good people. the possibilities for 2012 are endless, and i can't wait for all the good to continue. i hope the same for each and everyone of you!xo

the view from back here

2011-11-13T07:29:00.004-05:00

yesterday, i ran a race. it was my fifth race of 2011!! i have even registered for one more this year, which will make a total of 24 miles raced this year. now, i realize that some of you run all 24+ of your miles in one race. however, i find that if you spread those miles out over several races, you don't have to spend as much time in the ice bath afterwards. and? you end up with more race tee shirts!!

i took on a 10K trail run. now, i've run a 5K trail race and i've run a 10K road race, but i'd never combined the two before. it was definitely a challenge, given that this trail had a decent elevation, and eleventy billion roots and vines to avoid. i trained for it as best i could, averaging about 16 miles per week and setting my sights on a conservative, yet still challenging, pace.

now this would be a good time to remind you that i am not a fast runner. i really am okay with this - i recognize that my body is built for endurance and stamina, not speed. my running goals have never been to win the race. my running goals have always been to run each race just a little bit faster than the one before. the only other competitor in that particular race is me. and truly, i believe that no matter where you are in the standings, NOTHING beats the feeling of just crossing the finish line.

i'm always at the back of the pack, and that's really okay with me. but yesterday i got to experience something new. yesterday? i finished dead last.

last place!! the very last person to finish the race!!

can you imagine?

i knew from the start that i would probably finish in the back. this was a small race, and as i glanced around the other runners assembling at the start, it became pretty obvious that this pack was made up of Serious Runners. i'll admit, there was a moment when i considered just getting in my car and taking off. heck, i'd already picked up my tee shirt from the registration area. who would be the wiser?

but i really wanted to run this race. it didn't take too much of a self pep talk to get myself to the starting line. when you're not worried about "winning," it's a lot easier to just run. and so, i did.

and i finished dead last. but? i finished!! and i ran that race at the exact pace i wanted to run. and i felt strong and athletic. and i learned a few things along the way:

1) when you are in last place, you don't have to worry about running through any spider webs, because every other runner has already done that for you.

2) when you are in last place, you don't have to worry that your running attire isn't as fashionable and trendy as the other runners, because after you leave the starting corral, you will never see them again.

3) when you are in last place, you don't have to worry about someone saying "passing on the left" from behind you on the narrow trail.

4) when you are in last place, and you hear something crashing through the woods behind you, you don't have to question whether it's another runner or the Blair Witch. (obviously it's the Blair Witch, since all of the other runner's are already ahead of you!)

5) when you are in last place, you can really enjoy the scenery.

6) when you are in last place, the race volunteers really REALLY cheer you on!!

7) when you are in last place, everyone will know who you are!

i finished the race thirteen minutes behind the person who finished in front of me. by the time i reached the water and orange slices at the finish, most of the 5K runners had gone home. the other 10K runners were entertained with a raffle, but i'm sure many of them were ready for me to finish so the official results would be posted.

while they were handing out awards, i stretched and hydrated and gave myself a little pat on the back for finishing strong. so, imagine my surprise when i heard my name called across the PA system.

turns out, i won first place in my age group!! now, i was the ONLY person in my age group. but you know what, it still felt REALLY great!!

dead last. you should try it some time!!

a costume only a mother could love

2011-11-01T12:36:00.004-04:00

i am a big fan of homemade Halloween costumes. in fact, my earliest musings revolved around making a costume for jack.

(sometimes those costumes weren't homemade by me. they were homemade by my sister. at the last minute. at my request. also? this would be a good time to pimp her new blog, dedicated to her pretty amazing costume making skillz.)

and then? then we hit the years of the "buyable" costumes. sigh. buying a costume did not resonate with me. but he loved it. (maybe because he never recovered from the Han Solo experiment?) i will admit, it was easier. and he was an awfully cute Iron Man. Snake Eyes. a Spy. whatever...

so, imagine my UTTER SHOCK when I received word that he was making his Halloween costume this year!! yes, i "received word" via text message, because I was lounging by a pool in Orlando at the time...

(pardon me... i just went back there in my memory for a second...)

there was truth to the rumour, however, and i am the PROUD mother of a PROUD child who made one of the, um, GREATEST costumes ever made.

what? you don't recognize Carmine from Gears of War? i'm shocked!!

a-hem.

i'm not a Gears of War fan, but HOMEMADE HALLOWEEN COSTUME!! made entirely of things we already had in our possession. GOOD: homemade BETTER: free

we had a great night of chili and trick-or-treating with kids-his-own-age in a neighborhood that looked like HGTV had dressed the set for a Halloween special.

it's not just the Reese's miniatures that are making me smile today...

five

2011-10-31T10:23:00.003-04:00

after the blogging bonanza that was september, i couldn't very well let october slip by without writing a single post.

(oh, yes. i am painfully aware that i did not write a single, solitary post this month. not one. nothing. nada. zilch. void. vacuum.)

it is very important to me that i document somthing about this month, and today seems to be my last opportunity to do so.

especially since today is, well, it's a very special day. it's my blogiversary.

five years ago, i created this little blip in the blogoshpere.
five years ago, i was a working mother with dormant creative tendencies.
five years ago, i didn't know about facebook and twitter and foursquare and pinterest (five years ago, some of them didn't even exist).
five years ago, i didn't know if anyone would read the words i wrote.
five years ago, i embarked on one of the greatest adventures of my life.

i know it doesn't seem like much, this oft-ignored blog of mine. i don't write anything for weeks at a time, i forget to take pictures, i don't do giveaways and i am a HORRIBLE commenter. but, i like it here. it's simple and safe and it's allowed me to stretch my boundaries - just a little - this past year.

if you're a newish reader, please feel free to go back and see where it all began. i like to do that myself, sometimes.

to all of you who swing by from time to time, hello! and thank you! keep coming back. there's bound to be something new to read every now and again!

to all of you who fill the blogosphere with your own words, i say this to you: BLOG ON!!

who's with me for another five years?

thank you

2011-09-30T12:20:00.003-04:00

thank you for a month of reading while i mused.

thank you for your comments, and for taking the time to reconnect with me. i wish i had found the time to respond to all of you who stopped by!! i will find time to keep making connections with you.

thank you for your suggestions as i tried to capture thirty days of me. thank you for putting up with my lists. thank you for reading between the lines.

the past few years have found me struggling to keep up with amuse-bouche. i might have lost my own muse for awhile. in fact, just a month ago, i might have thought that blogging every day of September was an overwhelming challenge. but it was a challenge i was evidently ready for, because here we are, thirty consecutive posts later.

truth be told, i've been having fun blogging again! it's crazy! ridiculous, even!!

or, a-hem, riDQulous

yes, i might have been incented to complete this little challenge. but if suffering through a DQ blizzard is the price i have to pay for falling in love with my blog again, then i'll take one for the team!!

in fact, Blizzards all around!!

THANK YOU!! keep coming back. i'll be here waiting for you.

L'Shana Tova

2011-09-29T19:59:00.002-04:00

For some, it is the New Year today. and although it is not holiday that i celebrate as part of the religion i identify with, i am drawn to the idea of celebrating the New Year. right now. i'm not waiting until January.

so when i was thinking of what i might like to set as a goal for this New Year that i'm adopting, i had to go back and read what i'd set as my goals ten months ago when 2011 rolled around.

2011 rushed past me in a heartbeat as a read those words. i can't say i've made the decisions i needed to make, nor do i have some of the answers i was looking for. i can say that i have created and shared, and yes, even loved.

and i have met people. people who have impacted my life significantly.

after i blinked back a few tears, remembering (and even mourning) the past few months a bit, i went back to look at that post. "dear 2011" was the blog post i wrote and published on January first. but there was something more, i realized. sitting quietly in my drafts folder was another post; a chiaroscuro that has colored my year, lights and shadows, changing... yet still.

the words i wasn't ready to publish.

What you saw as falling apart was actually things falling into place. You're now set for the future you are meant to have.

a quote? a fortune? i can't be sure. but there it was, waiting for me to come back to it tonight, as i sit here embracing the though of another New Year.

things are falling into place.

to a sweet New Year.
l'shana tova.

new beginnings. but first...

2011-09-28T15:46:00.007-04:00

today's suggested blog topic is "new beginnings." i'm not entirely sure where this is going to go. i'm pretty certain, though, that in order to talk about new beginnings, i need to give you a little history first.

the time: twelve years ago
the place: atlanta, ga

i had just returned to the ATL from a week long vacation along the southeastern coast of north carolina. it was actually a week long plus a day and a half, because we were having so much fun, we didn't want to go home. it was july 5, 1999.

i was, at the time, halfway through an eighteen month engagement. most of my time was preoccupied with working, traveling (for work), planning a wedding and trying to decide what the heck to do after the Big Day. living in atlanta had been ten years of fun, but honestly, i was over the rat race. i was over the singles scene. i was over the traffic. i knew that one of our first major "married" decisions would be deciding where to live. even though we were still ten months away from the Big Day, i think we both had atlanta squarely in our rear view mirror by then.

the opportunity presented itself to us to join my family for a week long vacation at the beach. my most recently married sister and her husband had moved to southport shortly after their wedding in october '98. eight months later, they were eager to welcome us to their little corner of heaven. southport is the home of The North Carlina 4th of July Festival, and we had scheduled our visit to coincide with the week long activities.

and active we were! there was swimming and beach combing. we went to concerts laden with Sousa marches. we hit up the carnival for cotton candy and cheap thrills. we ate ice cream under street lights draped with red, white and blue bunting. we rode bikes to the local breakfast joint. by the middle of that week, some of the locals were even calling us by name.

needless to say, we fell in love with this little corner of heaven. we spent the seven hour drive home making the sorts of plans that about-to-be-married couples make: how soon could we move? what would our first house look like? we would spend our days working, but we swore we would always find time to laze about in the rolling ocean waters. sure, some of our plans were fanciful (we will open a bed & breakfast with a small restaurant on the grounds!), but the plans were falling into place: within the span of one year, we would be married, and residents of southport.

it's important to keep in mind that, at this point, it was 1999. we did not have cell phones. we did not have email. we couldn't google. when we left our apartment to drive to north carolina, we essentially put our lives on hold for the week. no one could track us down. no one needed to track us down. we were, quite literally, unplugged. needless to say, one of the very first things i did after returning from our star spangled vacation, was to check my voicemail. (i almost said "answering machine." i'm pretty sure that by then, we had at least upgraded to automatic voicemail on our home phone line.)

there was a message from a mentor of mine, a man who had taught me the restaurant business with such care and with such passion that i knew i was meant to spend my career in the service/hospitality industry. his path had taken him to a corporate gig, where he was a recruiter for a large restaurant chain. there was a training position available, and he thought of me. he encouraged me to apply, set up a phone interview for me and did a really good job of promoting the company.and he very cautiously told me that the job would require relocation.

to apple valley.
minnesota.

and, you guys? that wasn't the deal breaker you might think it would have been. the thought of living in the frozen tundra did not scare me as much as i expected! i was more hesitant about moving so far away from my family. fourteen HUNDRED miles away from my family, to be exact.

but there was southport. there was this little corner of heaven that had welcomed us with apple pie and homemade ice cream, with flags waving, with parades and band concerts. there was the seven hour drive home in which we had penciled out the first years of our marriage as they would play out along the Cape Fear River.

there was the fact that i didn't get the voicemail about minnesota until after i had spent a week swimming in the Atlantic Ocean.

i filled out the application. i snuck home on a lunch break to sit cross-legged on my bed for the phone interview. i used the internet at work to learn what i could about this restaurant chain and it's headquarters in apple valley.

but my heart was already in north carolina...

spt 9.27.2011

2011-09-27T08:21:00.002-04:00

a little bit of a fashonista portrait today.

(bwahahahaha!! do i really identify myself as someone who has a sense of wardrobe style? really?)

boots
cardi
belt buckle

(that's right, i said belt buckle.)
(you can stop laughing now.)

(really... stop laughing.)

so, how did i do? casual, yet professional, right? confident general manager who is not afraid to kick a little ass when necessary?

fashionista?

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

behold, the power of...

2011-09-26T15:27:00.011-04:00

so, my dear friend, carlo, wants to know:
What are your fave blogging/social media things that have happened since you started?

i love this topic!! and, i'll start right off by saying that carlo is absolutely one of my fave blogging things!! but, more on that later...

here are just some of the wonderful, amazing things that i've experienced since hopping online five years ago:

one of my all-time favorite, and one of the first, blogging activities that really got me excited about being on-line was self-portrait tuesday. now i realize that there are lots of versions of self-portrait blogs out there now, some include memes, some include linkies, some don't even happen on tuesdays. but the particular version that happened right here on amuse-bouche every week was an amazing connection between women (and some men), all over the world! while i haven't been able to dedicate the time i once did to sending out self-portrait challenges, i have really tried to remain true to the tuesday self-portrait. in fact, some months, that's all i manage to blog!!

soup swap is another one of my favorite things, and one that i would not have known about if i hadn't been blogging in 2007. you can read about my first ever swap right here. although i missed last year, the making and the swapping of the soups continues to be one of my favorite social activities (and it sure helps break up the monotony of the winter doldrums here in tiny town!)

i have had the great pleasure of meeting some of my on-line friends, and it is oh, so refreshing and fun to spend time with people who previously lived only in my computer! the first time i got to meet some fellow bloggers, i was headed to New Orleans for a Hampton Inn conference. in what turned out to be THE BEST weekend of my life, i flew to Louisiana with the promise of a place to stay and a picture of my hostess. you should read about my adventures with natasha and carlo and hoop! from that first tentative greeting at the airport, to the tear-felt farewall after tea, it was hands down, the best weekend of my adult life! here's to you, my fellow green waves!!

a year later, i was able to spend a weekend with a friend from high school when i went off to dallas. if it weren't for the power of Facebook, kristi and i would have NEVER reconnected. she has single-handedly brought me back into the red, white and blue fold of Wootton High School alumns, and i am eternally happy about that.

i've had some pretty incredible experiences via Twitter, as well. in the fast paced world of 140 character limits and ever morphing Time Lines, i have been wowed by one-on-one "conversations" with Jillian Michals, Jim Cantore and Keith Olbermann. i've also gotten to see Michael Franti in concert: once in Myrtle Beach (thanks, Kris and Chris!) and once in Melbourne, Australia(thanks, Rob!)

i also landed on the front page of the Life section of USA Today because of a request that went out over Twitter for people who "still" use handwritten journals in this day and age of digital memory making. (yes, in addition to the blogging and facebooking and the tweeting, i still write in my bedside journal every single day!)

i even stumbled upon tony hawk in the middle of the woods, not fifteen miles from my own home!

exploring the world of social media has brought the world to my doorstep, quite literally. i have sent and received Good Mail. i have enlisted on-line friends to go on a scavenger hunt, of sorts, as they tracked down the neighborhood Santa Claus of my childhood (thanks, teri!) i have gotten fit and lost weight, because i've held myself accountable to all of those of you who are getting fit and losing weight on your own journeys (#workthatass2011!!) i have tried countless new recipes and crafted amazing things.

most importantly, and the thing for which i am eternally grateful, is that i have met the most incredible people!! you inspire me. you encourage me. you bring me to tears and you get me to laugh out loud. you make me want to be the best writer i can be. the best friend i can be. when you reach out to me with your blog comments, your pokes and your Pins, your DMs and your phone calls, i am the happiest girl in this corner of the internet.

thank you!! all of you!!

it's in the bag

2011-09-25T22:11:00.003-04:00

day 25, and i am soliciting topics for this last week of every day blogging. tonight, i am so excited to show you the contents of my purse:

1) four sets of keys (car, hotel, random key ring that has all of my shopping cards on in, and one key ring with various family members keys on it
2) my little blue pill case, which i keep stocked with Advil liqui-gels
3) about eight almost empty tubes of lip gloss
4) plastic baggie with one of jack's teeth in it (don't ask)
5) compact mirror (often used for checking for poppy seeds or green smoothie remnants)
6) wallet that has my checkbook (yes, i still write checks sometimes!)
7) receipt for the tire i had to buy on friday (@#%^!)
8) packing list for my trip to Orlando next week
9) my "real wallet"
10) jack's iPod shuffle. wonder when he'll miss it?

not too bad, if i do say so myself. i carry a really small bag, so it's hard to get carried away with too much junk truth be told, i hate carrying a purse. it's usually just the thing that holds my phone.

what do you think? am i missing anything important?

still blogging after 23 days

2011-09-24T23:06:00.003-04:00

24 straight days of blogging is a lot!! i find myself searching for things to write about that will be interesting to read about. (i have also, apparently, given up on the rule that you can't end a sentence with a preposition.)

anyway... i'm bound and determined to get a post blogged for today, yet i'm lacking the inspiration needed to get it started. we all know what happens now... oh, yes! it's a list!!

without further ado, to celebrate 24 straight days of blogging, here are 24 things you may (or may not) know about me (in no particular order):

1. i've been blogging for almost five years, yet most of you don't know my real name
2. i blogged a lot more before i stumbled upon facebook and twitter
3. i am the oldest of four girls. it's not always easiest to be oldest
4. i was born and raised in new york, and i now live in north carolina
5. i will never consider myself "southern," although i don't think i'm a "new yorker," either
6. i don't want to live in north carolina anymore. well, at least in tiny town
7. Fall is my favorite time of year
8. i always light a pumpkin spice candle on september first
9. even if it's 90 degrees outside
10. i have met my best and closest friends on the internet
11. i don't have any tattoos, but i plan to get one soon
12. i've recently lost 51 lbs and need a new wardrobe
13. i would love to find the perfect pair of brown boots
14. i manage a hotel, yet find it hard to relax on vacation in a hotel
15. i'm finding it challenging to write a post that is longer than 140 characters
16. it is hard for me to be friends with other women. i'm usually "one of the guys"
17. this summer, i did cartwheels on the beach at sunset. just because.
18. last week, i ran 20 miles
19. i drink my coffee black. in the Fall (only) i will drink flavored coffees
20. i want to go to Australia
21. or minnesota
22. i have become a big fan of SkinnyGirl margaritas
23. and green smoothies
24. i have to leave you now for Alec Baldwin on SNL

good night!

five minute friday

2011-09-23T10:20:00.002-04:00

lately, i feel like i've been holding it together with kite strings and sealing wax. there are nights when i crash from trying so hard all day long.
trying to smile, trying to laugh
trying to lead, trying to motivate, trying to make good decisions
trying to listen, trying to share
trying to be a friend
trying to be

happy

it's raining today, and i don't have the strength to try.
i sat in my morning meeting and said nothing.
i looked at this empty page and wrote nothing.
i listened to the words you said and i said

nothing.

i'm not just being quiet
i'm avoiding saying what needs to be said.

and if i say the words that you need to hear,
i fear that they will only be washed away by the

rain.

throwback thursday

2011-09-22T20:05:00.002-04:00

when i was in the fourth grade, i was in a gang. we were very exclusive. we were very protective of our turf. we had secrets and a special handshake. (wait, did we?) the other fourth grade girls cowered in the front of the bus when we wore our Colors...

*crickets*

okay, so fine. i wasn't in a gang. i was in a club.

but we were really cool! and we wore these:

our turf was the back row of the bus. remember when school buses had backward facing seats? well, we towered above the other elementary school students when we wore our matching shirts on Fridays, lined up across the back of the bus, facing forward, knees pressed against the seats to keep us upright. man, we were rebels!!

we sat together at lunch. we had sleepovers at each others' houses. we went to Patio Pizza and talked to boys!! we hung out at the roller skating rink and looked intimidating. we performed in all of the school talent shows.

so you think YOU can dance? you should have seen The Firebirds!

i can still smell the iron-on press at the Shirt Shack, where we went to have our tee shirts made. i can still feel the amazing warmth of inclusion that i felt when i stepped onto the bus, knowing that my place was held for me in the back. i can still dance... i still enjoy a good talent show.

yes, i still have the shirt. and i love the fact that jack's godmother is a Firebird! i may not ride the back of the bus anymore, but i'm so thankful for my friends who faithfully saved my seat there.

wordless wednesday

2011-09-21T19:38:00.002-04:00

spt 09.20.2011

2011-09-20T12:18:00.003-04:00

i spent the morning at the dentist office. not for me, but for jack. he goes to a really great pediatric dentist. the office itself is fun and colorful, and i have never, EVER, in 41 years, witnessed such caring and attentive staff members in a medical office. despite the ever present (and overly loud) Disney Channel, i often wish it was my dentist! but, i digress...

we were at the dentist this morning because someone needed to get cavities filled. not me, but jack. four cavities. my mouth hurts just thinking about it.

i don't know how i have failed as a teeth brushing mom. i had braces twice. i had visited the oral surgeon three times before the seventh grade. but i never got a cavity until i was 35 years old. and i haven't had one since.

maybe i'm lucky. i brush twice a day. i always use Crest. i floss when i remember. i don't drink soda. i still think i'm lucky.

jack? not so much. at the tender age of ten, we've had extractions and fillings, all due to cavities. every time we leave the dentist, i feel compelled to deliver my motherly speech about the importance of good brushing. i keep thinking the pain and/or embarrassment of having to get scolded by the nicest dentist in the world will encourage him to take better care of his teeth. i worry that i haven't helped him develop better habits, and that, at ten, it might be too late.

he knew this morning that he was going to get "drilled." when the very amazing hygenist came out to get him and take him back, she said, "we are going to try to get to all four today, but we might only be able to do two. we'll see how he's feeling."

four.
gulp.

i saw it - the brief moment of panic/dread/disbelief as the words sunk in. he stood up, caught up in the amazing hygenists whirlwind of energy. he was walking towards the back, and i could *feel* what he was thinking:

holy crap
it's going to hurt
i don't want to go
somebody tell me i don't have to
how much is it going to hurt?

and there they were, real tears. but not in his eyes. they were stinging in my eyes. the door closed behind them, and the amazing hygenist and my son with the mouth full of holes were whisked into the Universal Studios of dentist's offices. and i was left, feeling the anxiety and the fear and the slighly queasy stomach for him. in that moment, i would have given anything to take his place, to ease his uneasiness.

he is fine. halfway through, the amazing hygenist came out and said that it was jack's decision to go ahead and complete all four fillings today (smart kid!) afterwards, we laughed about his "duck lips" and he practiced saying words that ended in S and F all the way back to school. and he only half-heartedly attempted to talk me into letting him stay out all day.

i'm still feeling a bit anxious. i still want to protect him, even though he is quite obviously fine. well, as fine as you can be with FOUR NEW FILLINGS!!

i'm glad to say i am fine, too. i was able to hold back those tears. at least until i had to get out my checkbook...

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

mahalo

2011-09-19T21:58:00.002-04:00

i need a vacation!!

i need to get the heck out of dodge, to go somewhere that definitely does NOT include staying in a hampton inn. anywhere! it could be the tropics. it could be the mountains. it could be in the heart of Dixie, or in the Great White North. the destination isn't the most important part.

what would make the perfect vacation for me right now is to spend an afternoon in a coffee shop with a blogging friend. or to have dinner with an old classmate with whom i've reconnected on facebook. perhaps i could catch a Broadway show with someone i've gotten to know via twitter.

do you see where i'm going with this? i want to put down my laptop and my iPhone and get out there and meet the people who have become my closest friends over the past few years. it could be you! i want to hear your laugh. i want to meet your family. i want to taste incredible wine with you. i want to run a race with you, and wear our matching tee shirts all over town.

so, let's go! pack your bag and meet me at the station! i'm looking for the vacation of a lifetime. i'd love for you to come!

long may she wave

2011-09-18T20:41:00.002-04:00

since january, i've run, oh... a couple thousand miles. (that sounds unbelievable, really.) i'm still liking it, so i guess that means i'm looking forward to the next couple thousand.

i've run all of them outside, and almost without exception, in my own neighborhood. that means i run on public roads. a lot. we don't have sidewalks, so i run on the shoulder, facing oncoming traffic, head up and alert.

and as i run (bounce, shuffle) along, i throw up my hand and wave at everyone i pass.

sometimes my wave just means, "Hi!"
sometimes it means, "I see you coming, don't worry."
sometimes it means, "I don't have a lot of room here, so please move over."

and sometimes it just means, "What? My face is supposed to be this red!! Don't worry about me! I promise I'm not going to pass out in front of you!!"

now, i've run these roads for eight and a half months now. one day i might pass three cars the entire time, and other days i might pass thirty. every once in while, i'll encounter someone watering their lawn, or walking their dog. and every so often, i'll come upon another runner. i wave at them all (mostly, you know, so i don't scare them with my beet faced huffing puffing shuffle). and i gotta tell ya: nobody's waving back!

it's okay, really. i don't take it personally. i take that back. i did take it personally when that one guy not only didn't wave, but also seemed to grip the steering wheel a little tighter in an effort to avoid giving me any more space on the road.

but it would be nice to get a little recognition from time to time. hey! we're all out here together. let's look out for each other! i'm not asking you to talk to me or anything. (in fact, please don't talk to me. i need to save every precious breath!)

but maybe just a little wave; lift your fingers off the steering wheel a little bit. a nod of the head? something? heck, if i can muster the energy to throw up my hand after five or six miles, the least you can do is reciprocate. at least i'll know you see me and won't be running me off the road.

do you wave back? would you wave at me? i promise i won't pass out in front of you!

how sweet it is

2011-09-17T21:50:00.002-04:00

it is ten o'clock on Saturday night and i'm crashed on the sofa watching yet another marathon of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives. (side note: could someone please slip a few new phrases into Guy Fieri's rotation? there's just got to be a better way to describe food than "off the hook!") i can't even count how many Saturday night's I've spent hanging out watching the Triple D's. it's kinda my Saturday night thing. even though Guy agitates me with his talking-with-food-in-his-mouth, there's something actually a little comforting about my sad Saturday night routine.

anyway, this day is done, and despite it's undertones of blah, i consider it pretty much a success. i set out to have a laid back day, and i accomplished it. as Guy would say, "winner, winner, chicken dinner."

dinner was a few hours ago, and i've even had tea and cookies since then (have you had the new Newton's Fruit Thins? yum!). the kitchen is clean, despite the fact that a certain 10 year old keeps wandering in and out of there. there's no reason to go back in there.

except.

i know there is an open bag of mini Reese's pieces in the cupboard.

i don't really crave sweets. chocolate is not a food group that i consider to be a temptation. i can take it or leave it. but throughout this year of obsessive calorie counting, some well-timed chocolate consumption has been a God send.

i'll settle for the Reese's, although truth be told, i prefer dark chocolate. i especially prefer dark chocolate with sea salt. in fact, now that i think about it, i would dearly love a square of dark chocolate with sea salt right now. as Guy would say, that square of dark chocolate with sea salt "could just hang out in my mouth for a little bit."

i'm undecided about the Reese's, but just knowing it is there agitates me and comforts me at the same time. kinda like Guy.

me and chocolate. our nightly ritual. you could say, "this is not my first time at this rodeo."

i know Guy would.

five minute friday

2011-09-16T09:29:00.002-04:00

i've got to tell you something. i hope it's not too startling.

i don't have a bucket list.

nope. no checklist of things i need to accomplish. no tick marks next to things i've done. no master plan for fitting it all in (no idea, really, what "it" really is).

surprising? i am a pretty steadfast maker of lists: shopping lists, to-do lists, review lists, packing lists... i'm sort of addicted to them, truth be told. but the quintessential bucket list has eluded me thus far.

i'm seeing "bucket lists" everywhere these days. it's back to school time: here are 10 MUST TAKE PHOTO-OPS for your child! it's Autumn: here are 15 Fall activities you don't want to miss! traveling: here are 5 destination you must see! you just had a baby: here are 10 pictures you MUST take on baby's first day!

really? REALLY??

i am all for living, and creating traditions, and recording memories. but at what point does the bucket list become less a "list" and more of a "script?" i'll tell you when. right about the time i start to hyperventilate because there are no apple orchards around here for me to schedule a mid-Autumn photo shoot.

more than words

2011-09-15T12:34:00.003-04:00

i've been haunted by a song recently. you know when that happens... you catch an older song on the radio, and you think, "ahhhhh, i remember that song," or, "i remember when that was popular," or, "that reminds me of Mark Campbell.*"

*names changed to protect the innocent

and then, you hear that song three or four more times in a fairly short time frame, and all of a sudden it's annoying and you remember why you forgot about that song long ago!!

yeah... that.

so, this week, the song has been "More than Words," (Extreme) and it's taking me back to Senior Week. of college. 1991.

go ahead. do the math. i'll wait...

you with me now? TWENTY YEARS!!! it's been twenty years since i graduated from college!!!

twenty years is a really long time. it actually justifies (in MY mind) the fact that i don't remember more about my four years of college. they were good years. they were not the best years. but i have an overall fond recollection of learning and growing during that time.

my college FAQ:
Ithaca College, class of '91
B.A. Sociology
Dining Hall employee, two years
Collegetown Bagels employee, two years
Three years residence on campus
One year in an apartment on Ithaca Commons
Roommate of girls who used lots of Paul Mitchell hair products
Wearer of oversize Champion sweatshirts
Lover of Division III basketball
Connoisseur of many $5 Long Island Iced Teas

kind of unremarkable, actually. but i'm okay with that, given that i now know that my time to SHINE would come well after graduation. (it's still happening. trust me on this..)

while i still get a pang of remembrance every year around move in weekend, i'm steadfastly ignoring the urgent emails to attend this year's TWENTIETH reunion. my sketchy memories are quite suffcient for me. looking back, my time at IC was a blip in my lifeline. my experience was a springboard for what would come next, but it definitely did not define what would happen.

instead of going to the Finger Lakes and reminiscing about the four years spent there, i'm going to stay home and embrace the twenty years since.

twenty years gone by. a lifetime really.
more than words.

love

2011-09-14T08:39:00.002-04:00

one thing that i'm really enjoying about this blogging every day bit (you've noticed, right? that i'm blogging every day?), is the fact that i've started reading blogs every day as well. mostly in a selfish attempt to light a creative spark when i feel like i don't have anything to blog about, but hey! i'm getting back out there.

so, my friend john asked the question, "What do you love about yourself right now?" seems like a perfect thing to muse about today.

I love that I have been able to find a balance between being a working mom and being an engaged, creative mom - that i thrive at planning social events at the hotel, and also at planning meals for my little family. I love that I can go from a revenue meeting in the morning to a recreational evening at the soccer field.

I love that I have found myself again this year, and, despite a few years of frustration and denial, the good in me is intact. I love that I am stronger and leaner and more focused than I was twelve months ago.

I love that I find time to serve my community through Rotary and Communities in Schools. And I love that my son will grow up knowing the importance of these commitments.

I love that I am a runner. I love that!!

I love that my confidence is coming back, and that this has allowed me to open up to new friendships.

I love that I've finally begun to love myself.

spt 09.13.2011

2011-09-13T08:21:00.002-04:00

what in the hell?? why does my bathroom counter stay so cluttered? i'm only going to show you part of it, because, wow...

i really should do something about that.

did you ever play that memory game when you were younger? we played it at all of my birthday parties growing up. my mom would place items on one of her trays and let us look at them for one minute. then she would cover them up with a tea towel while we tried to write down as many things as we remembered. the items tended to be a bit haphazard, with not much rhyme nor reason to their presence in the game. i think that made it more difficult.

hmmmm, what can i remember from this morning:
contact lens case, saline, deoderant, an empty metal diet coke bottle (why? it wasn't even my diet coke), toothbrush, makeup, cotton balls, lavendar essential oils, band-aids (NOT used), plumbing parts (?!?), digital watch, hand towel, various and sundry pieces of jewelry, a button, men's cologne (Chrome), hairspray, bronzer, water cup, small fan, iPhone...

i'm sure there was more, but i'm choosing not to remember them!! what's the state of your bathroom vanity this morning? care to share?

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

not much to say

2011-09-12T21:25:00.002-04:00

i don't have much to say tonight.

i am overly agitated, and i really can't put my finger on "why." could be that it's Monday and i had to work with numbers today. could be that i seriously need to order new contacts and i now have a dull headache. could be that my son has used up almost every syllable in the English language tonight, and i am craving silence. could be that i didn't drink enough water today. could be the full moon.

could be that, sometimes, i'm just done. done with the day. done with thinking about work. done with wondering how much money is in the bank account. done with obsessing over those last 120 calories that i probably shouldn't have eaten. done with that pile of stuff over there that has been begging me to sort through it.

done with caring. caring about every hotel guest and how their experience will affect my next day. caring about what the neighbors will think when we raise our voices (which invariably happens every night at 7 pm). caring about what i'm going to wear tomorrow. caring about the fact that we cannot rid the dog of these godforsaken fleas.

caring about where i am and what i'm doing.

maybe i'm done with trying to second guess the grander plan.

could be the full moon.

i don't have much to say tonight.

september eleventh

2011-09-11T12:26:00.004-04:00

i wrote the following stream of words on a day in september 2001. i was a working mother with a six month old baby. there was no facebook. no blogger. no twitter. i didn't have cable. i was a long way from my native New York. so i worked, and like you, i tried to make sense of what was going on.

to our children:
when you were born, the world was golden with promise, over-full with opportunities for an innocent child (prize of young parents, joy of generations).

our early days together were a dance-a-thon of waltzes then fox-trots, as i tried to teach you sure-footedness in a world where daybreaks were pink-new and bursting with endless possibilities; where moonglow was the butter soft keeper of dreams.

how clear things looked through the eyes of one who is seeing it all for the first time. how i took solace in every ahh of wonderment, of understanding as the world began to make sense for you, as it has always made sense for me.

how do i tell you that it is now different somehow? that on September 11,2011 at 8:48 am the bad people raged and the earth shook and a great cry went up from a wounded nation.

how do i watercolor your world when the images around us are grey and ash-covered?

these are the things i know that will NEVER change:

a hug,
a smile,
a song

the waves pooling on the shore,
the rain clinging to the screen door,

brownie batter on a wooden spoon,
"Pat the bunny," and "Goodnight, Moon,"

rabbit hops
and belly flops
tadpole tails in brackish creeks,

mommy's kisses on tear-stained cheeks.

the flag from The World Trade Center as it visited Southport on July 4, 2011

softball

2011-09-10T22:02:00.002-04:00

i am really enjoying blogging every day again. (you noticed, right? that i was blogging every day?) with under two hours to get this one in, i needed someone to throw me a softball of a topic.

a one word meme:
(wanna play along? copy the 30 questions to your own blog and answer each with one word! leave me a comment if you do!)

1. Where is your cell phone? charging

2. Describe your significant other? asleep

3. Your hair? braided

4. Your mother? supportive

5. Your father? enthusiastic

6. Your favourite item? iPhone

7. Your dream last night? sentimental

8. Your favorite drink? water

9. Your dream car? electric

10. The room you are in? library

11. Your ex? doofus

12. Your fear? failing

13. What do you want to be in 10 years? thriving

14. Who did you hang out with last night? family

15. What you're not? alone

16. The last thing you did? craft

17. What are you wearing? pyjayzees

18. Your favourite book? journal

19. The last thing you ate? chicken

20. Your life? evolving

21. Your mood? subdued

22. Your friends? afar

23. What are you thinking about right now? twitter

24. Your car? Trailblazer

25. What are you doing at the moment? unwinding

26. Your summer? beachtastic

27. What is on your TV? football

28. When is the last time you laughed? earlier

29. Last time you cried? august

30. School? ithaca

five minutes for friday

2011-09-09T09:01:00.002-04:00

you think you know me...
but do you?

(start)

i try my best to portray the "real me" on my blog and in my other "faceless" social media accounts. i might use a little concealer here and there, or apply an especially glossy lip stick when i feel like i need a little pick me up. but for the most part, what you read is what you get.

in real life...
i like to wake up early and enjoy an hour by myself
i like to stay up late and enjoy an hour by myself
i love to decorate for the holidays, but i hate clutter
i am a fanatic about sweeping my floors, but i hat to vacuum
i never have extra money to spend. ever.
i drink my coffee black, and am never tempted to buy "frilly" coffee shop drinks.
i am generous with hugs for my little man, but not so much with adults.
i like where i am now, but know that this is not where i will live forever.
i want you to think i am thick skinned, but i'm really quite sensitive.
i hate to talk on the phone, but will "chat" with you all hours of the day.
i love receiving compliments, but need to remind myself to give them.
i don't like anything that is artificially banana flavored.
especially strawberry banana yogurt.

(end)

hope you have a great weekend!! (you can have my serving of strawberry banana yogurt!)

overdone

2011-09-08T21:35:00.002-04:00

it's been a long couple of days.

10+ (sometimes 14 hour!) days, board meetings, reuniting with old friends, project planning meetings, dinners away from home, soccer practice, school that starts 15 minutes earlier than it did last year.

it's been a long couple of days.

and in the meantime, i'm working out, running, keeping track of my calories.

and also doing a little laundry.

i'm signing off on homework assignments and making sure school lunch is packed.

tonight, i am collapsed on the sofa watching football. within an arm's length are about 27 items that could be picked up and put away. but i'm gonna go ahead and let them sit there. because i am the most incredible kind of tired: bone weary, muscle aching, I FEEL REALLY GOOD ABOUT THE WORK I'M DOING tired.

right now i am overdone. but tomorrow morning, i will ready to do it all again!

a list

2011-09-07T14:02:00.003-04:00

today is a doozy!! a fourteen hour doozy!! i literally have about a 20 minute window in which to write a blog post for today. so here it goes:

my friend Patrick gave me the idea to think about the things i'm grateful for. i know sometimes lists aren't the most fun to read, but he reminded me that taking five minutes out of your day to focus on what makes you happy, can truly be a game changer. to me, it is the perfect way to find a calm place in the midst of the frenzy of this day.

i am grateful...

for my health, my family's health

for my job, my husband's job

that i have the flexibility to run out and meet up with two old friends for coffee

for my creative spark that is rekindled every Fall

for phone calls

and tweets

for my body, for the calm that exercise has brought to my life

for strangers who have become friends

for reading time with jack

for dinner around the dining room table, even if it's only a few nights a week

and i'm grateful for you. yes, you.

spt 09.06.2011

2011-09-06T10:52:00.000-04:00

ever have one of those days when you just wany to pull your hair out???

i'm having one of those days!!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!!

so easy lelly could do it

2011-09-05T22:08:00.002-04:00

nothing like a holiday to bring on another episode of: so easy lelly could do it. this episode brought to you by the DIY repurposed pallet project that peaked my interest earlier this summer. (click here for link to original project at Young & Crafty)

yup. i *loved* it. and, conveniently enough, i soon came across a furniture store giving away pallets. i sweet talked my assistant into throwing them into the back of his truck, and later that afternoon, i arrived home to a pile of the saddest looking shipping pallets you ever did see. not one to be discouraged, i immediately set my husband upon the task of breaking the pallets apart into salvageable pieces for my project. (don't fear, he is used to my shenanigans.)

well, i'm here to tell you that busting these things up was no easy task. by and by, we came to have a pile of shabby splinters of wood stacked in the garage. i eventually stopped asking about his progress. besides, the beach was calling! my project would wait.

until now, of course. because, now it is Fall. or almost. it's Fall-ish, and my crafting/nesting/decorating hormones are raging. this project needed to get DONE, people, because now i have fourteen other repurposed pallet projects junking up my Pinterest boards!!

sadly, this pallet project was not meant to be. it came right down to salvaging that wood or salvaging my husband's sanity, and i made the responsible choice. sigh.

but, don't worry! because it didn't take long for the pumpkin spice candle scents wafting through my living room to spark my creativity into high gear. and just in time for a holiday weekend!! i didn't need a pallet to make a repurposed pallet project! i just needed something to repurpose. fortunately, i have loads of that kinda stuff to spare.

below is a photo of my double size headboard from 1994. i had this vision of a picket fence headboard, and one afternoon, my father and Pop-Pop came around to my little 1994 apartment and built it for me! oh, it was resplendent in it's natural state, with fake sunflowers peeking through the pickets. 1994, i loved you so...

i used that headboard right up until my husband and i got a king size bed in 2005. we have, uh, fond memories of sleeping under that headboard.

looking at that headboard, leaning forlornly against the garage, i thought, maybe, it could be *like* a pallet... you know, since it's made out of wood and all. so husband was dispatched to take the sides off and give it a good whitewash. i couldn't decide on what word we would use, so i let him choose. (see? i don't just delegate the crappy jobs...) after staring at the blank canvas for about fifteen minutes, i free handed our word onto the pallet-like-piece-of-upside-down-picket-fence.

now, this next part gets tricky. i didn't have a paint brush. so, i did what any smart crafter would do and called up my sister with the Bachelor of Fine Arts and asked her if she had a brush i could borrow, which, of course, she did. that was the best three mile round trip i made all day!

so, what do you think? pretty cool, i say. and i genuinely love that i have been able to repurpose this wonderful gift from my dad and Pop-Pop. (i have a feeling Pop-Pop might be rolling his eyes at me from up there, but i think he approves anyway.)

i tried very hard to get my husband to hang it for me, but he kept shooing me away with complaints that he didn't have the right kind of hardware. what the hell?!? couldn't he rig something?? i mean, i would have. but, oh well...

the two side pieces can now be repurposed into something like this:

and, i'm pretty sure i won't even have to wait until the next holiday weekend.

a test of wills

2011-09-04T15:42:00.001-04:00

i knew the challenge was coming when, at 7 am, his bedroom door opened, and i heard the slow shuffle of bare feet towards the living room.

he's up to something, i thought. he doesn't want to go to church and he is scheming up an excuse.

a stomachache. not very original, but fairly well executed. a cuddle on the sofa, a pitiful look in those baby blue eyes. a whimper.

he is about to throw down the "i'm not going to church" gauntlet. it's coming. i'm just going to continue my morning routine. maybe if i don't bring it up, he won't.

breakfast? breakfast will be good. a bowl of cheerios. how about some bacon? yes! i love bacon. can you make it a little crispier, please?

surely he will forget about his upset tummy after eating. the food disappears in an instant. i disappear to my room to get ready. still, no one has dared to say the word, "church." i count down the minutes until it is time. "get dre-essed," i sing out. i am positive, upbeat as i dab on eyeliner.

but i don't FEEL good!! stomp, stomp, STOMP down the hallway, measured steps that end with a pathetic slump onto the master bed. i'm not GOING! i don't FEEL good!

i choose a necklace, measure my breaths in the mirror. "but you ate breakfast. i'm sure you're fine."

muffled grunts from the lump on the bed, a defiant head shake or two. "uh-huh. i'm. not. going."

i snuggle up to him, stroke his hair, will the warmth of my body to ease this rigid form that is planted on the bed.

"get OFF of me!" he turns away. "leave me ALONE!"

moving on, i get dressed in the closet, hear him pry himself off the bed and make haste back down the hallway. i slip on my shoes, and prepare for what's next. i'm not going to yell. i'm not going to yell. i'm not going to yell...

i'm staying HERE! i'm going to play video games. you can't make me go!

you need to be dressed and in the car in 5 minutes. i take the dog out for a quick trip around the backyard. i eye the back of the house, looking for movement, but feeling only defiant energy. back inside, and he has steeled himself for the fight. i'm not going to yell. i'm not going to yell. i'm not going yell.

i don't see why i should have to go! i'm not! i don't FEEL WELL!!

i haven't yelled, and he doesn't know quite what to make of it. i apply lip gloss, methodically move my keys and wallet to my black purse, empty the remains of my coffee cup into the sink. i don't make eye contact with him as i walk by. "you need to be in the car in 5 minutes."

rage, rage, rage. no!!!!!

at the last moment, i grab up all of the remote controls, pull the door shut behind me, breathe deeply as i make my way to the car. it would be so easy to give in. i'm tired, too! we could skip this week. we don't have to do this.

nothing.

i call mat. this isn't the first time i've called mat from the car. ican'tdothisican'tdothisican'tdothis. i'm not going to yell. but he needs to get out here. he needs to know that he can't just wear me down with his yelling. he needs to know that one hour out of his day is not going to ruin the rest of it.

nothing.

i back the car up, positioning for the eventual trip down the driveway. i can't leave him here. i won't leave him here. i said be in the car in 5 minutes. he needs to learn that we can't shout ourselves out of things we don't want to do. we need to teach him that.

the back door slams. it is him. he is wearing yesterday's clothes. his hair is not brushed. but he is here.

we pull out of the driveway, turn towards town. there is a stony silence, every once in a while, a groan from the passenger seat. we are heading to church together.

and i did not yell.

Fifth Grade

2011-09-03T14:40:00.003-04:00

"The choices we make are ultimately our responsibility..."

- Eleanor Roosevelt

and so, with a hurricane bearing down on us, we three gathered around the dinner table. we said good bye to summer, and discussed our expectations for the coming school year.

our theme for School Year 2011-2012 is:
responsibility
1. the state or position of being responsible;
2. a person or thing for which one is responsible;
3. the ability or authority to act or decide on one's own, without supervision

we feasted on some of jack's favorites, Chicken Corn Chowder, toasted baguette with butter and Key Lime Pie Cake.

We spent over an hour at the table, reading our quotes about responsibility, and discussing how we could each take responsibility in our lives (feeding the dog! doing our homework! staying physically fit!) we also found a collection of conversation starter popsicle sticks i made earlier this year, which added a wonderful additional layer to our time together.

"What do you think is beyond the stars?"
"On a scale of 1-10, how strict am I?"
"What is/was your favorite school subject?"
"What have you done that makes you proud?

after dinner was done, after dishes were put up, after one last check of The Weather Channel for updates on Hurricane Irene, our responsible boy put himself to bed before 9:30, willing 5th grade to start IMMEDIATLEY!

"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today." - Abraham Lincoln

five minute friday

2011-09-02T10:09:00.001-04:00

interestingly enough, the prompt for five minute friday at the gypsy mama is "rest." funny that i should be talking about "rest" in a week when the insomnia has been in full force.

i am not a person who needs a lot of sleep to thrive. truly, i think i'm good with about 6 1/2 hours a night. this is something that i have in common with my parents, and their parents. i don't sleep like the dead when i sleep, nor do i toss and turn. it's a good rest, though, and seems to be enough to get me through my days.

as i've become much more physically active this past year, i've been intrigued by the fact that my body hasn't required more rest. i truly am more energized and ready to greet the day, without having to get more sleep to compensate for the energy i'm burning. well, except for this transition back into the school year, but we can talk about that later... anyway, all this is to say that i take my 6 1/2 hours for granted, and i get frustrated when i don't get it.

this past week, my bedtime has been met with tossing and turning, pulling covers on and throwing them off, turning off my son's alarm clock at midnight (what the?!?), and generally not feeling like i can shoot out of bed when the alarm goes off at 5:45. this happens about twice a year, and i could probably look back through my journals to see if there are any correlations to be drawn when it happens. but, for now, it's enough to say that i'm frustrated that i'm not sleeping when my body says it should be sleeping.

i went for a run last night, and my gps wasn't working. i had no clue of my pace or, for that matter, how far i went (when i realized the gps wasn't working, i felt almost free to change up my route a little bit.) i had to let go of my OCD about time and distance, and how this run was going to show on my mileage keeper app. (you should really hear my inner dialogues sometimes...) i met some new people along the way, listened to the tree frogs, and spent some time remembering the fifth grade girl who couldn't even run one lap around the school track. and when it was all said and done, i felt good. i felt... rested.

a friend of mine called it a "soul run." i can't think of a better description. i slept better (could just be that i'm nearing the end of this period of insomnia...) (i HOPE!)

i think the soul run is just as important as the speed run, and the distance run. and i'm looking forward to more of them.

the summer that was...

2011-09-01T16:59:00.001-04:00

i feel like this summer was random and cheerful and forever long. it was filled with family and friends and food and fun, and i have to reach waaaaay back and remember how it all started. this summer has been *that good.* (can't you tell by our faces?!?)

i have so many things that i want to remember, and truth be told, i've been working on this post for about a week now. (that's never a good sign, is it?) so, in an effort to "just blog something, dammit!" i give you a little list of things that i will (or won't) explain in further detail in the future:

1. this was the first summer we went to the beach ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS!! i dare say, we even LOOKED FORWARD TO IT!! there was more than one person who expressed shock and awe when they saw us camped out in the sand more than once.

2. my sister and her family (from Atlanta) were able to spend multiple weeks with us here this summer. we have lots of new memories stored away, but at the top of that list would have to be the afternoon that she and i snuck off for a 9 mile walk. oh, yes... you read that right.

3. jack and i traveled to Charlottesville for a wedding with my parents. it was a most excellent adventure (i live tweeted the entire weekend from the back seat of my parents car!)

4. i ran a lot of miles!! and it was HOT!!

5. i met a twitter/facebook friend and she helped remind me that sometimes it's important to sneak away from work and spend the afternoon drinking sangria on the beach.

6. mat's entire family visited for a week, and i acted like the mature young woman that i have been raised to be. i promise. (they did NOT stay in our house. that definitely helped.)

7. i promised to bring vegetables when a friend invited us over to dinner, and i showed up with mini cupcakes instead. because it was summer! and i am *that* kind of a friend!

8. i finished my year as president of the Rotary Club of Southport!

9. i said good-bye to one of my best girlfriends, as she moved to Rhode Island pursuing a great career move. i'm gonna miss my girls nights out...

10. we spent the night in a beach house, and ran through the dunes to dip our feet in the ocean at midnight, just because we could.

thank you, summer of 2011!!

spt 08.30.2011

2011-08-30T08:17:00.004-04:00

day three back to school (after a minor disruption by Hurricane Irene), and i just want you to be able to share in the hell that was my morning commute today. *somebody* did not do all of his homework last night, and *somebody* was grouchy about it. please note that *somebody* wasn't me...

so, it's the end of summer, and i have stories to tell! i've even started blog posts about my stories! i want to share with you all of the goodness that was summer 2011. i want to share with you our amazing "new school year" dinner. i want to share with you our theme for this school year. i want to update my blog banner. i want to reconnect with my friends!

in the meantime, i am slowly, but surely, adapting to our school year schedule - our elementary schools now start at 7:45 am. i don't know why that 15 minutes is creating such a hurdle for me (a self-proclaimed "morning person"!) but we will overcome!

how are you? will you do me a favor? will you take a self-portrait today? will you post on your blog? or tweet it? and then leave me a comment? pretty please?

spt 08.02.2011

2011-08-02T11:54:00.003-04:00

just back from a wedding in Charlottesville, VA, with my favorite travel partner.

aside from "the usual" wedding weekend festivities, we found time to sneak away to Monticello. (if you were along for our trip to D.C. earlier this year, you'll be glad to know that jack "finally" got his quill pen!)

i can't believe i'd never been to Monticello or the Michie Tavern before, but so glad we found time for it this trip. and glad i survived the entire trip sitting in the back seat of my parents car...

i'd also like to publicly thank the little man for doing The Virginia Reel with me. (don't tell him I told you!)

will you take a self portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 07.26.2011

2011-07-26T12:59:00.002-04:00

it's that time again... time when we are expecting a visit from our friendly Quality Assurance auditor. time when we try to make our shiniest just a tiny bit shinier.

part of the "fun" of these inspections is the fact that they are unannounced. a suprprise, if you will. we might not know exactly when he will show up, but we know it will be soon. (i know it will be in just a few days. ssshhhh...)

here i am practicing my "surprise!" face. think he'll buy it?

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 07.19.2011

2011-07-19T10:20:00.003-04:00

cinder block - 1, me - 0

(don't worry. nothing seems broken.) i have been instructed to "elevate and ice." the worst part of this is
a)all the sitting still, and
b)none of the working out.

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 07.12.2011

2011-07-12T10:32:00.002-04:00

i'm at work today, in body if not in mind. i had to break down and start taking Benadryl for the unbearable itching of the mosquito bites!! hands down, these are the WORST part of Summer!!

i am sleepy and loopy and all i want to do is rest my head against my desk. i imagine today would be a good day to ask me just about anything. i'm sure i'll agree to it!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a message and let me know!

in the summertime

2011-07-11T11:54:00.003-04:00

i'm going to let you in on a little secret: i'm not a summer girl.

whew!! got that off my chest. again. now, if you've been hanging around this corner of the blogosphere for any amount of time, you undoubtedly know this. and if you're a new(er) reader? well, it won't take you long to figure out that my life at the beach isn't always... beachy. (sweet hell, two paragraphs in, and i've already dispensed with the ubiquitous "life's a beach" pun. moving on...)

ah, but this year? this year i am really trying to love this summer life. i have filled this summer, so far, with:

grilling,
swimming,
sitting on the beach,
sitting on the beach - in the middle of a work day!,
running,
swimming in the lake,
biking,
watching parades,
gazing at fireworks,
drinking peach mojitos,
eating popsicles,
dining with sisters,
dining with old friends,
dining with new friends,
babysitting nieces and nephews,
painting my toenails,
swapping recipes,
following the Tour de France,
daydreaming.

what haven't i been doing, you might ask?

i haven't been blogging.
or drinking enough water.
i haven't cut or colored my hair.
i haven't gone to bed before midnight in weeks,
and i haven't slept in on a Sunday since April.
i haven't worn anything other than flip flops or sandals.
i haven't used the oven,
and i haven't had to buy fresh produce in weeks.
(i also haven't updated my blog header. i know, D., i know...)

now, if you'll excuse me, there's watermelon and blueberries to be eaten! don't you want to come spend the summer with me?

spt 07.06.2011

2011-07-05T14:39:00.002-04:00

just digging out from the natural chaos that is the NC 4th of July Festival... when tens of thousands of people descend upon Southport for flag waving, fireworks and funnel cake! this year, among the tens of thousands, was my college roommate!

i always love Festival time, because it reminds me of a pre-marriage vacation to the area during the Festival that guided our decision to move here. i also love Festival time because funnel cake.

and the Festival also segues nicely into the oft-overlooked holiday, "July 5th," this year known as my ELEVENTH anniversary of working at the Hampton Inn.

now, if you'll excuse me, i'm off to continue wading through the piles of paperwork that somehow ended up on my desk while i took Sunday and Monday off. you would think that after eleven years, i would have figured out a way for that stuff to take care of itself!!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 06.28.2011

2011-06-28T10:34:00.002-04:00

i am not a numbers person. i don't get excited by mathematical things: formulas, equations, mean/medians/and modes...

i had to take one math course in college. it was a Statistics course. i forced myself to sit in the front row and become one with the numbers. it sucked. but i passed! and now, in my grownup life, i have to look at a lot of numbers: forecasts, budgets, occupancies... in the scope of things that fall under the title of "General Manager," it is the numbers things that that challenge me the most.

but i've had a lot of numbers on my mind recently, and so i thought, in an effort to embrace my inner statistician, it might be fun to give you a post filled with numbers. ready?

tomorrow is the 11th anniversary of Hampton Inn Southport;
as of the 5th of July, i will have worked here for 11 years;
there are 80 rooms in the hotel;
we buy an average of 65 lbs of bananas every week;
matty will be 40 on the 30th;
i have run over 204 miles since January;
i eat, on average, 1250 calories a day;
i have lost 44 lbs;
i recently ran my 3rd 5K race of 2011;
it was my 4th race of the year;
it's almost time for the annual 4th of July Festival!;
this morning when i woke up, the humidity was 84%;
i have only completed 45 blog posts this year;
i am about to add 1 more to the list!!

spt 06.21.2011

2011-06-21T10:56:00.003-04:00

thank goodness for my "commitment" to spt, otherwise i might never blog a thing! i don't know why the thought of sitting down and composing a post that is longer than 140 characters feels so daunting to me (i'm looking at you, Twitter!) so today, i give you a bonus photo! and maybe i'll use 140 characters to describe each one.

summer is here, in full force! here's the thing: i'm loving it!! i'm loving summer!! the beach, the sand, the humidity, the lack of structure, the drive to camp every morning. if you know me - at all - you are shaking your head in disbelief. i know! but there you have it. hope you are enjoying yours, as well.

summer always brings my sister, patricia, and her family to the beach from Atlanta for a week or two. in the past, i've done a really craptastic job of spending time with them during their vacation. it is really hard to be the one "at work" when "everyone else" is playing. well, guess what? not THIS year! this year we are beaching it together, and enjoying meals together, having our pictures taken together, and babysitting each others' children!

in fact, one night, i found myself with four children in my care. f-o-u-r. that is four times as many as i usually have to worry about. and? two of them are still in diapers! I KNOW!!! we had a blast, and it turns out that jack is a much more patient babysitter than i am ;)

i continue to convince my body that we are much happier when we are exercising, and to that end, i bought my first big girl pair of running shoes. it's kind of an intimidating process, what with the having to run-on-the-treadmill-in-the-store in front of the-really-cute-and-fit-salesman. an hour later, and with a *much* lighter wallet, i was the proud owner of a pair of Sauconys.

i began breaking them in with a 9 mile walk with my sister (who is training for the Three Day Walk for the Cure this fall). this weekend, i'll run my fourth race of 2011, and i have another 10K in my sights for July.

i'd write some more, but i have to clean off my desk, because this evening? after work? i'm going to the beach!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

wordless wednesday

2011-06-15T14:43:00.000-04:00

spt 06.14.2011

2011-06-14T09:31:00.003-04:00

we had our annual team party to celebrate the anniversary of the hotel, and this year we headed out for a three hour cruise along the Intracoastal Waterway.

as i am currently "between wardrobes," and refusing to buy anything new, i shopped in my closet and threw together a look that i like to call "deck hand chic."

gotta love navy stripes!

winding down

2011-06-03T11:17:00.004-04:00

i feel like i never just sit on the porch and drink coffee anymore. i've always enjoyed my mornings, my ME time, those precious hours (minutes, more likely) when i am free to sit still and... well, sitting still was pretty much it. for the past few months, my mornings have been all about the workouts. i still get my ME time. but it involves less coffee and more sweat. (i really am okay with this!)

remember my son, jack? well, this is about all i see of him these days! he finally was bit by the HP bug, and is cruising through the books. after a challenging academic semester - we've been tweaking our approach to ADHD - he has fallen into the habit of reading whenever he gets a chance. NOTHING pleases me more than the fact that this child has found a way to find his own moments of still.

i've been to the beach twice this year! that is huge for this girl. as a family, we don't take advantage of the beach as much as we should. it's very easy for me to get agitated by the heat, the sand, the feeling of salt water drying on my skin... but we are learning to enjoy our Sunday afternoon sojourns, sand and all.

soccer ended yesterday, and we are heading into the last week of school. we have no big plans for the summer months. we'll just be here, happily perfecting our still.

spt 05.31.2011

2011-05-31T10:47:00.006-04:00

this is how i am...

and this is how i got there...

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a message and let me know!

spt 05.10.2011

2011-05-10T10:23:00.003-04:00

GAH!! MAY!! where did you come from?!?

i still have things to share about April. about a trip to DC with the best traveling companion ever. about beer in The Sculpture Garden with a dear friend from high school. about sitting on The Mall with a dear blogging friend while the tornados bloomed around us (not too close!) about meeting another dear blogger over a pile of human remains.

see?? you want to hear about my April things, too!

but not today. today is Self-Portrait Tuesday, and so here i am!!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 04.26.2011

2011-04-26T23:26:00.003-04:00

we're definitely not in brunswick county, anymore...

have vacation, will travel

2011-04-22T10:23:00.001-04:00

Spring Break is just around the corner. (i know, i know... some of you are on Spring Break right now. some of you have been back from Spring Break for weeks...) but around here, Spring Break is just around the corner. (it "officially starts at 12:20 this afternoon)

i usually approach school vacations with some trepidation. it is hard to fit a school break into the life of two parents who work outside of the home. yes, i have a lot of flexibility when it comes to bringing jack to work with me. heck, this child is more comfortable around this hotel than half of my team members! but i don't get *as much* work done when he is here. from time to time, i take a few days off and spend the days at home with him, where, quite frankly, we get on each others' nerves after 48 hours.

if you've read this blog for any amount of time, you know that i am a notoriously bad vacation-taker. i don't know how i got to be this way. i think part of it is that i feel extraordinarily guilty when i leave my hotel for any amount of time (which, i shouldn't! i have a great team that is perfectly adept at running the show while i'm away). i think part of it is i don't budget well for vacations, so it always seems very daunting to come up with mad money when i finally decide to take a break.

however, this year? this year will be different! next week, jack and i are climbing into the Trailblazer and making our way to Washington, D.C. for a few days! my sister has rented an apartment there for a few weeks as part of her home schooling adventures, and we are going to crash with them.

this sort of spur of the moment vacationing really appeals to me, and i wish i did it more often. i'm thrilled that we'll be in D.C. for several reasons. jack is the perfect age to really, REALLY enjoy everything that the city has to offer. i was lucky enough to go to high school just outside of the city, so i am very comfortable making my way around town. we get to spend time with my sister and her two boys - even though they live just 2 miles from us at home, there is always something fun about hanging out "out of town." and? there are dozens of opportunities to catch up with friends old and new.

so, next week, tuesday through friday... come find me on The Mall. we'll have lunch or coffee. or a beer. bring on Spring Break!!

spt 04.19.2011

2011-04-19T09:45:00.004-04:00

going a little non-traditional with today's self-portrait, but, really, i could not resist.

first, a back story (and i'm warning you, this is one of those "Behold, the Power of Twitter posts): last august, a local friend tweeted that she had won tickets to the Michael Franti show at House of Blues in Myrtle Beach. She and her husband were unable to go to the show, and she offered up the tickets. I'd never seen Franti live, but I am a fan of his music, and was tempted to take up her offer of the tickets.

there were a million reasons to turn them down. i was in a Rotary meeting all day, mat had to work early the next morning, we needed to round up a babysitter, HOB is a good hours drive away, etc. etc. of course the big thing standing in the way was my TOTAL LACK OF SPONTANAEITY!!

ahem

guess what? we went! and had a great date night! we used to go to concerts and shows all the time, but life sort of gets in the way of that these days. we danced and jumped and sang and smiled. even a silly old speeding ticket on the way home became part of the fun.

moral of the story? if someone offers you tickets to see Michael Franti, you go! also? i *heart* Twitter.

so. time passes and one day recently, i am chatting with a Twitter friend in Australia. i mention to him that Michael Franti has just tweeted that he is doing a show in Adelaide that night (which, it turns out, is about 8 hours away from where my friend lives). more importantly, Michael Franti then tweets that he is doing a show in Melbourne the next night. and so my friend got tickets! and this morning (which is his this evening), he Skyped me into a Michael Franti show halfway around the world!!

so , here is my self-portrait. from Australia! (it totally counts!)

seriously. SERIOUSLY. this is just about the coolest thing ever!!

moral of the story? if Michael Franti is doing a show nearby, you go! and also? I *HEART* TWITTER!!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a message and let me know!

oh! hey!

2011-04-17T13:01:00.003-04:00

i ran a 10K on Saturday!!

you might be aware that i took up that running thing again this year. i dabbled with it back in 2008. but i literally hated every step that i took. i "ran" this same 10K then (and by running, i mean i sprinted/hyperventilated/walked/considered stopping/jogged/walked/jogged/cried my way to the finish. you can read about it here

i felt good about finishing that race, i really did. and then? i promptly gave up running. all thoughts of ever one day completing a 1/2 (or, gasp, a FULL) marathon, quickly fell by the wayside. i crossed the 10K off of my bucket list and simply stopped running. a bit like Forrest Gump, i was, simply, done running.

but that was three years, and a lifetime, ago. i've been running on the weekends, amped by the new strength i have found through Jillian Michaels and her love-to-hate-em workouts. i actually find myself looking forward to that *me* time. i don't love it. but i'm not cursing every step, either. i'm getting faster. i feel good.

the race this past Saturday was amazing for me. i had a game plan, and knew that i wasn't going to blow my pace in the first mile. i created a playlist to help me keep steady. i looked around at the scenery. (it's a beautiful course, taking you over the Intracoastal Waterway, through the marshes and along the Atlantic Ocean). i ran every step at a comfortable steady, slightly-increasing-each-mile, pace.

and i smiled. a lot.

i finished, and i wasn't last (two of my personal goals.) i waved and flashed thumbs-up at every stranger who cheered for me. when an older man rolled down his window and asked, "Are you in the lead?" I simply replied, "Yes!" with a huge grin. i completed the race a full five minutes faster than i did in 2008.

in 2008, i ran a 10K as a participant.
in 2011, i ran a 10K as an athlete.

spt 04.12.2011

2011-04-12T09:19:00.002-04:00

up before, 5 (no alarm)
finished workout before 6 (because i was up)

i'm expecting GREAT things from today!!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a message if you do!

spt 04.05.2011

2011-04-05T10:16:00.003-04:00

the threat of wacky weather during the morning commute meant a three hour delayed opening for area schools this morning.

a delayed opening can really throw a wrench in the day of a parent who needs to be at work. fortunately, i'm usually able to bring jack along with me until it's time to run him down to the school. (this morning he is in the company of my assistant's son). when he's not entertaining his little buddy, he's singing along to his iPod shuffle. LOUDLY.

i'll get some work done today. eventually...

(will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a message and let me know!)

baby, baby, baby noo...

2011-03-31T11:48:00.001-04:00

edited: okay, it's been over a week since i started this post. it's taking me forever to sit down and finish it. i wonder if i'm still telling the same story i intended to share...

Sweet Holly, The Marathon Bird, wrote a post that spoke to me yesterday (no, it was not a post about running a marathon. true, i'm "enjoying" running right now. but i am not enjoying running enough to be talking marathons here).

this is a cleverly written, poignent, made-my-heart-hurt muse about adoptive mothering. i wrote, what i thought to be, a clever, poignent, make-your-heart-hurt comment in response. however, my iPhone ate it.

a-hem. so i was trying to rewrite the comment, and it sort of become it's own blog post. but mine is not a post about adoption, or a yearning to have another child.

my post is about the fact that i don't.

i don't want another child.

it's hard for me to tell you that, because it's taken me a while to feel like that's "okay." but i spent an hour with a newborn on my shoulder the other night, and after those sixty minutes, i can tell you, without a doubt, i'm all good.

for most of my life, i've assumed that i would have a "large" family, or at least a family with multiple siblings, such as the one in which i grew up (four girls). my cousins and close friends came from families with multiple children. it was, for me, the "norm." and sometimes, you don't question the norm. you just assume it will be.

i married when i was thirty, and remember more than one person asking me, at our wedding reception, when we were going to "start a family." i won't lie, at the tender age of thirty, i felt some pressure to "start that family" right away. and so, we did.

jack was born when i was thirty-one, within our first year of marriage. it was an unexpected expected pregnancy. we weren't trying to make a baby. but we were newlyweds. (wink, wink). it was exhilarating and terrifying to confirm our pregnancy. it was even a bit embarrassing to begin telling my friends and family. (oh my God, they're going to know we had s.e.x.) i looked forward to ultrasounds and registered for baby things at Target. i ate saltines and took my vitamins. i bought "first" outfits. i played the piano for him and shared his first baby kicks with a hundred hands of friends.

i did not glow. i did not nest. i had migraines and back pain. i squeezed doctors visits into my work schedule. i began to hate the smell of chicken. i decorated a nursery in my mind, but never really got past picking out a crib. and when jack came rushing into this world a month early, i... i took it in stride.

i had maternity leave, but i didn't have a "babymoon." i was in a lot of pain (my back). i spent a lot of time "on the go" with jack. i didn't like to stay home, so jack and i went out for strolls. small town living meant we could stroll. a lot. we visited shop owners, we had lunches with my sisters. we were a one car family at the time, so we often drove mat back and forth to work. i got involved with the local community theatre, and we started a catering business.

my maternity leave was 6 weeks long. on day 43, the hotel called to ask when they could put me back on the schedule. within a year, i was the assistant general manager. it meant putting jack in day care, but it was a great move for me. and? the day care totally took care of the potty training!

and so it has gone, year after year, working and volunteering and playing through days, including jack every step of the way. i never thought, "if we had another child now, jack would be x years old." i never thought, "if we want to have more children, we need to start now." i never thought, "something's missing."

my sisters had babies - sweet little nieces and nephews. every time a new pregnancy was announced, someone asked, "don't you want to have another one?" i would laugh it off. "oh, no... we'll see..."

and inside i was thinking, "i'm glad it's not me."

i don't have it. i don't have a longing for another child. i honestly cannot imagine living through the two hour sleep cycles, the diapers, the car seats and strollers, the breastfeeding, the bottle feeding, the incessent schlepping of "stuff." i can't imagine deciphering cries and moans and outbursts. i can't imagine scheduling life around nap time.

i love my ten year old. i love his budding independence. i love the free(er) time that affords me. it is not "the norm."

it is "MY norm."

wordless wednesday

2011-03-30T11:57:00.001-04:00

spt 03.29.2011

2011-03-29T09:10:00.002-04:00

so.

i've been working my ass off. quite literally.

*almost* every day since January 2nd, i have risen WELL before my alarm clock, laced up my sneakers, and made a conscious effort to move my body. i've had help. jillian michaels and bob harper and multiple, MULTIPLE Twitter friends who've shared their workouts with me.

getting up early has never been a struggle for me, but getting up with the intention of doing jumping jacks? or planks? that's an entirely different story. but i do it. almost every day.

for one, because i'm loving the results i'm seeing.
also, because if i don't do it at the crack of dawn, it won't get done.

i know this from experience. my work/family/extra curricular lifestyle is such that at the end of the day, the first thing to "go" when i need a break is the workout. i cannot consistently come home from a long day and will myself into my sneakers. somedays, it's all i can do to get dinner made and homework checked before i fade into my sofa for some mindless TV watching. bottom line: if i *plan* to workout at night, i *plan* to fail at it. it's just that simple.

so, i get up reaaaalllly early. i squeeze into a sports bra and tie my shoes, and pull my bedhead hair away from my face. then i lift weights, and do push ups, and struggle through jumping jacks. i curse at the smiling trainer's faces on my DVDs and i lie on the ground and cry after tricep dips.

it ain't pretty, folks. but i'm not about to stop.

five minute friday

2011-03-25T11:37:00.003-04:00

start

there's reggae music playing somewhere in the hotel. it's winding it's way under the door that separates my office from the laundry area. all morning it has buoyed my spirits, and i wonder: is summer so far away?

my desk faces a window, from which i have a view. not a great view (part of a parking lot, part of the road, a glimpse of the Italian restaurant across the way). i can see the Quiznos that struggles for business due to a poorly designed intersection. i see the Bojangles that is under construction next to it, and i wonder: will drivers find the temptation to eat Cajun inspired fast food to be greater than the temptation to eat toasted subs?

it's sunny, but breezy and cooler than it's been this week. the smell of wildfires burning well to the north of us is heavy in the air, and i wonder: do other people find the smell of woodsmoke to be as comforting as i do?

Spring, and it's pollen, are heavy in the air. daffodils and azaleas polka dot the landscape. i'm looking forward to the first soccer practice tonight, fun weekend movies with my boys, my next run...

and i wonder: can it really be this simple?

stop

wordless wednesday

2011-03-23T09:12:00.002-04:00

spt 03.22.2011

2011-03-22T09:13:00.001-04:00

spring sun
nautical stripes
choppy bangs

a confidence i haven't felt in years.

identity crisis

2011-03-20T10:24:00.003-04:00

who
am
i?

as i try (really try) to get back into my blogging habit, i've been struggling with that age old question: who am i?

i think the better question is, in this age of quasi-anonymous digital social communications, who do i want you to think i am?

because, honestly, can you know the difference? unless you are my family, or the person i spent my summers with at music camp, or my best college bud, do you really know me? the answer is, of course, no. and, really, those people don't know me.

they think that i'm a fun mom.
they think that i have decent taste in music.
they think that i have faith.
they think that i'm comfortable financially.
they think that i'm happily married.
they think that i'm an inspirational boss.
they think that i'm fit and active.
they think that i'm creative, that i make things with my hands.

they think i've got it together.

and i do. i am! i am all of these things. some of the time.

but most of the time? most of the time i am trying so hard to keep it positive. most of the time i am upset with myself for being short tempered. most of the time i am worried about how to plan and pay for a much-needed vacation. most of the time i am obsessing about the number on the scale.

most of the time, i think you are prettier than me.
that you have more money than i do.
that your family is happier.
that exercising and eating well come naturally to you.
that your kids don't struggle with ADHD and general obnoxiousness.
that you love your spouse unconditionally.

most of the time, i think you are doing a better job than i am.

and my blog posts have reflected that over the past few years. when i do something fun and creative, i blog the heck out of it! i share pictures and smiles and links that rival the smiling faces and handmade goodness that draw me to your blogs.

but lately (can we consider the past 2 and a half years "lately?"), i haven't had as much of that to share. or maybe i have, but i haven't been inclined to blog about it. amuse-bouche is in transition. because i am in transition.

i'm rereading my 100 list today. and maybe working on another one. it's been four years since i took time to jot down those incredibly important 100 things about me. (the sarcasm is real, folks!) i wonder what will make the cut this time. i wonder if i can even rally 100 things?

who am i? i hope you'll stick around while i try to figure this all out. and i'm not just talking about the blog...

five minute friday

2011-03-18T10:15:00.002-04:00

start

i don't like to wait. i don't like to wait for people, for holidays, for deliveries from the UPS truck. i don't like to pace the front porch waiting for the mail delivery. i don't like to view the long march of days until the BIG DAY (whatever that day may be.)

i am the one who is in the car waiting when i told the family we had to leave ten minutes ago. i am the one who is awake an hour before the alarm sounds. i am the one who refreshes the website that shows the number of page views on my blog.

i get antsy.
and peevish.
and, quite frankly, not so fun to be around.

i used to tolerate waiting more. i savored it, actually. i reveled in the march of black Xs along a row of days on the calendar. but now, like so many of my generation, i am "instant gratification girl." i don't want to think about it. i don't want to plan it. i want it and i want it now...

please don't make me wait.

stop

spt 03.15.2011

2011-03-15T23:41:00.002-04:00

blurry

kinda how i feel after spending all day in the car coming home from a business trip:

blurry.

five minute friday

2011-03-11T10:25:00.002-05:00

start

how do i know when i am loved?

i feel loved when all is calm and quiet.
i feel loved in the moments of peace that seem so hard to come by.
but those are easy answers.

you know when i don't feel loved?
i don't feel loved when i have to do laundry.
i don't feel loved when i come home from work and the house is dirtier than when i left it.
i don't feel loved when i have to take care of someone who is sick.
i don't feel loved when my scheduled gets changed at the last minute.
i don't feel loved when there's not enough money left over after bills for pedicures and cute new clothes.
i don't feel loved when harsh words are said.
i don't feel love when i say harsh words.

it's hard for me to feel loved (or to give love) in the daily grind of days. it's hard for me to feel loved when i want to feel bitter.

but the daily grind must go on, and i must continue to love, and be loved.

so i find love in notes and letters.
in blog posts and tweets.

in song lyrics.

laundry be damned.

stop

i'm going to say a bad word

2011-03-10T09:08:00.004-05:00

this one time? at band camp?

seriously, i was at music camp and sitting in my assigned seat at Steve's table. Steve was an alpha male counselor who was in charge of the waterfront. in my mind's eye, he sort of resembled Don Johnson(not a compliment)(at least i don't mean it to be). at any rate, he bugged me with his smug self-assuredness.

one day at lunch, i got mad at him. i have no idea why. what could have possibly been so frustrating about lunch? about him? i don't know. but i was mad, that flushed cheeks frustration that's a good combination of anger and (probably) embarrasment.

and sitting there, twisting a paper napkin in my lap, staring at my empty plate as the bread basket passed by, i said, quite clearly (and quite softly), "fuck you."

i swear, i barely moved my lips. but he heard it. boy, he was pissed! and i was... mortified. but a little bit relieved.

i'm not gonna lie... it felt sorta good, my whispered rebellion. for a moment, i felt powerful and important, and, dare i say, just a teeny bit bad! however, i was immediately awash in guilt and angst. that sort of language was certainly not tolerated in my house. but i was away at summer camp, hundreds of miles away from my parents. they would never know! sitting here, typing these words 27 years later, i still feel like a 14 year old who got away with something.

and sitting here, 27 years later, i want to say it again. because you know what? i am angry and frustrated. and a little bit embarrassed. i want to yell "FUCK YOU" and find some relief.

wordless wednesday

2011-03-09T14:59:00.000-05:00

spt 03.08.2011

2011-03-08T09:27:00.003-05:00

this morning's photo brought to you by the girl who cannot remember to pick up a new hair drier - a silly little convenience, but one that i really miss when i don't have access to it.

(GAH! do NOT let me run into my stylist today!)

this "life-without-a-hair-drier" dilemma is so superficial, so NON life-threatening, so First World... it makes me pause and think about the things i should be really grateful for. things like:

a roof over my head
a healthy family
a job with longevity
electricity and cable and WiFi
two cars
food in the pantry
running water
friends
and
faith

i think i can put up with a few bad hair days.

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

wordless wednesday

2011-03-02T08:34:00.000-05:00

spt 03.01.2011

2011-03-01T09:21:00.004-05:00

last year, on a whim, i participated in my very first trail run. you can read about it here. i'll wait...

so, Run for Ray came around again, and i approached it with some intention this year. since undertaking my Shredding adventure with Jillian Michaels last month, I've actually taken up the "running" "habit" again. (oh, yes, i'm totally using both of those words loosely.)

i'm running on Saturdays and Sundays. it started off with a test run, if you will. about a week into the Shred routine, i knew i was getting stronger. all it took was one experimental jog to know that something was very different this time around. i used those first few runs to ease back into the feeling of running. i didn't get out the training program. i didn't wear my watch. i didn't stick to any run/walk routine. (i did load up a great new playlist, though!)

and, quite accidentally, one day i ran 3.1 miles. without stopping. without walking. and with that, with the knowledge that i *could* do it, i began to do it over and over again. every Saturday. every Sunday. every weekend until race day.

(my race number was my birth date. how cool is that?!?)

as i pinned on my bib, i had but two goals: 1)to run every single step, and 2)to beat my time from last year. it might seem like those two goals go hand in hand. but i am a slow runner. and i often feel like maybe i WALK faster than i RUN. so i felt that there was every chance that RUNNING every step would actually slow me down. plus, i run on the street (kind of a no brainer). running a trail requires much more intention with every step. i had my work cut out for me.

and so i ran. with no watch. with no playlist. i ran, alone in the woods (most of the time.) i ran and i ran. i did not walk. i really had no idea how close i was to the finish until i could actually see the FINISH. and, sweaty and red faced, with another stitch in my side (what is *that* all about?!?), i "ran" through the finish corral with no clue as to how i'd done!!

you're dying to know, aren't you? did i beat my time?

i am a very different runner this time around. i am a very different person. i feel more clear and focused than i have in a long time.

i am happier.
i am stronger.

i am faster.
7:16 minutes faster.

will you take a self portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 02.22.2011

2011-02-22T09:08:00.002-05:00

you know a dream is like a river, ever changing as it flows...

i took myself down to the river this morning. and sitting amongst the seagulls, i thought about my dreams.

will you take a self portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

five minute friday

2011-02-18T10:02:00.004-05:00

START

I am a friendly person. I have a wonderful smile and an "open" personality. But I can be:

A bit standoffish at times.
A bit opinionated at times.
A bit petty at times.

A bit lonely at times...

I feel like I don't "do" friendship very well. Especially with other women. Don't get me wrong - I know many women. And I am friendly with many women. But, that's an entirely different thing, isn't it?

I grew up in a household of four girls, and we are all friends, though sometimes we are more distant than others. They are my blood, my family, the women I've cried to, and screamed at. And the women I've sometimes treated silently. I've shared some secrets with them. I've voiced some dreams to them. Some. But not all.

And it is this way with most women with whom I think I would be friends. There is a point at which I stop sharing. A barrier I prefer to keep in place. My safety zone.

I like you. And I'm friendly. But, will I be your friend?

Can I be your friend?

STOP

visit The Gypsy Mama for more Five Minute Friday inspiration

spt 2.15.2011

2011-02-15T11:29:00.004-05:00

i am beautiful...

will you take a self portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

five minute friday

2011-02-11T11:56:00.002-05:00

START

something's come over me. it's this feeling that i've had for a while now, and one that cannot be ignored.

it's time. it's time to dust things off. and shake things up.

what does that mean? i'm not quite sure. if you're a reader, you have undoubtedly noticed that over the past few years, the content has changed (not to mention the times that there hasn't actually *been* any content). when i wrote my first post for amuse-bouche, i was younger. i had a younger child. i was half as far into my marriage as i am now.

and i was so happy! and excited! and creative! i cooked and baked and crafted and took pictures of all of it and shared them with you. i pored over your blog posts and families and crafts and pictures, as well.

it was awesome. i made new friends and grew my circle. it was all very bright and shiny. and i was thrilled to be a part of it

but, now. now it's different.
and not in a way that i can name.

i've been hiding from my blog. heck, i've been hiding from ME.

and? that's all about to change...

STOP

wordless wednesday

2011-02-09T08:26:00.000-05:00

spt 2.8.2011

2011-02-08T08:33:00.004-05:00

Sunday night before the big game, i bent down to plug in a lamp. the lamp was unplugged because we don't use it very often. but it provides ambient light. and i love ambient light. and i needed ambient light for the Super Bowl. just because... okay?!?

it was dark in the corner where i had to plug in the lamp (because there was no ambient light. a-hem). i was so focused on remedying the lighting situation that i failed to see the metal sign that is firmly embedded in the potted plant in front of the electrical outlet. the metal sign that is firmly embedded in the potted plant that has seriously sharp edges. the metal sign that is firmly embedded in the potted plant that has seriously sharp edges and says...

(please don't be too concerned about the state of the potted plant. it obviously needs... more light. that situation has now been remedied.) (also? irony. yes, i get it.)

so,to recap: lack of ambient light plus metal sign plus bending down equals watching the Super Bowl with an ice pack on one's eye!!

fortunately, i didn't get a black eye. but, yowza! it hurts!!

note to self: it's time for more ambient light.

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

Go Pack, Go!

2011-02-07T08:54:00.003-05:00

jack is the son of a Green Bay Packers fan, who is the son of a Green Bay Packers fan. he came by his enthusiasm for last night's Super Bowl quite honestly!!

five minute friday

2011-02-04T07:51:00.001-05:00

START

Most of you know, I live in Tiny Town. i live in a place that doesn't have a mall, that doesn't have a Chick-Fil-A, that doesn't have a Target. that doesn't have a Starbucks.

i live in Tiny Town by choice, and i don't regret the decision to move here... most of the time. i like the feeling of safety that comes when you know the local political officials and law enforcement agents. i like the feeling of community that develops when you decide to build a playground with your sister. i like that i can text the school principle when i need information.

but i don't like the lack of privacy. i don't like the backdrop that has become insanely dull. i don't like the small mindedness of many people that i work & play with.

and i really, REALLY don't like the lack of shopping opportunities.

STOP

spt 2.1.2011

2011-02-01T09:12:00.001-05:00

i am physically stronger than i was a month ago.
and this makes me happier than i was a month ago!

will you take a self portrait today? leave a comment and let me know!

spt 1.25.11

2011-01-25T08:30:00.002-05:00

i am a

strong
beautiful
hopeful

woman.

will you take a self portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

Five Minute Friday

2011-01-21T09:14:00.003-05:00

START

this mornining i knocked out day 20 of Jillian Michael's infamous Shred workout. Day Twenty. twenty days of getting up 45 minutes earlier than usual, twenty days of jumping jacks in a darkened house, twenty days of sniffling and not-so-silently cursing the trainer from hell.

and... twenty days of feeling better than i have in YEARS!!

i didn't really intend to blog about this particular journey of mine, but five minute friday seems to be the perfect platform this little shout out to the person who has been fueling my resolution to get more fit. tomorrow morning, i will attempt Level 3 (i purposefully haven't peeked at it yet... i'm pretty sure that would be my downfall.) and then i will go for a run, because, who knew? the stronger my legs and core become, the more i am enjoying running again!

i'm also counting calories and drinking a gazillion ounces of water every day. and i'll admit, i'd really like to have that "Biggest Loser" breakthrough moment on the scale. i'm still waiting... but in the meantime: see you tomorrow, Jillian!

STOP

wordless wednesday

2011-01-19T10:22:00.001-05:00

spt 1.18.11

2011-01-18T09:20:00.003-05:00

this self-portrait is deceptive.

i don't look as stressed as i feel.
i don't look as strong as i feel.
i don't look as sorry as i feel.
i don't look as secure as i feel.

that's a bit of a mixed bag, isn't it?
but i'm owning every one of those emotions this morning.

i definitely look as caffeinated as i feel!!

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 1.11.11

2011-01-11T09:49:00.003-05:00

today is cold. and icy.
and i stayed up waaaaay too late watching the last college football game of the season.
and another day of "no school" has attempted to interfere with my career mom routine.

but, i am okay.
i actually love the cold.
and SEC football.
and the extra time with jack.

will you take your self-portrait today? leave me a comment and let me know!

spt 1.4.11

2011-01-04T08:37:00.003-05:00

i took a self-portrait today. it's been while since i took a meaningful self-portrait. this is an uncomfortable photo to post. it's not pretty, i'm sweaty and red-faced. i haven't yet had my first cup of coffee.

but, this is *me* - today. this day. 1.4.11

on this day i am worried about my son's ADHD.
and on this day, i completed The Shred before work.

the bad with the good.

i like it.

will you take a self-portrait today? leave me a comment if you do!

2011-01-03T20:22:00.002-05:00

What you saw as falling apart was actually things falling into place…

i am super close to choosing my word for 2011, and i promise to write a meaningful post about its purpose.

soon.

boarding pass

2011-01-02T20:07:00.005-05:00

a few months ago, i flew to another city and talked with several people. the trip included four flights, two rides with chauffeurs, an eTicket snafu, a plane ride with Dave Navarro and a sighting of The Little Couple. it also included a backscatter xray. when i travel, i T-R-A-V-E-L.

all of this happened in one whirlwind of a day shortly before Thanksgiving.

i don't know what will become of this trip. what i do know is that it was very important for me to grab my oversized tote bag, my mp3 player, my iPhone, and my best personality - and get on that plane.

i also know that it was the scariest thing i've done in a really, really long time. like, "i really don't want to do this but i really must do this" scary. like, sleepless night scary.

like, everything could change forever scary.

maybe i'll have something more to tell you about this trip. i don't know.

but i will have more to tell you about my journey,

If you end up being the same person you were a year ago, you wasted a whole year of your life by not living and learning.

dear 2011

2011-01-01T20:29:00.002-05:00

i'm expecting a lot from you.

i have decisions to make.
i have questions to answer.
i have love to give.
i have things to create.
i have ideas to share.
i have places to go.
i have people to meet.

i have all the hope in the world
that you, 2011, will work with me.

every step of the way.
hand in hand.

okay?

ringing out the old

2010-12-31T09:40:00.009-05:00

i'm not going to lie, twenty ten was a tough year for me. many, MANY valleys, not a ton of peaks... i'm not a huge fan of making a big deal about "New Years," but I'd really like to commit this one to memory, and move on. if you know what i mean ;)

1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before? ran a trail run with Tony Hawk!
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year? i don't think i made any, and i didn't choose a word. and honestly, i really feel like i've been treading water and drifting away from the shoreline without one.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? my nephew, Milo, was born on February 1st. he is the smilingest baby you have ever met, and hanging with him has soothed me many times this past year.
4. Did anyone close to you die? not this year.
5. What countries did you visit? right...
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010? a passport. i'm not kidding.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? the month of April. it was embarassing and painful.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? speaking on stage in front of over 2,000 people. it, pretty much, ROCKED MY SOCKS OFF!! more, please! also, appearing in an article about journaling in USA Today was amazing.
9. What was your biggest failure? see #7.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? no, and i am exceedingly thankful.
11. What was the best thing you bought? my iPhone4. oh, and the Victoria Secret faux wrap long sleeve tee. if you are tall, with long arms, you will love this shirt!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? i've got to toss this one to Jack, my xBox addicted skate punk 9 year old - light and love of my life
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? the Westboro Baptist Church. anyone and EVERYONE who bullied, teased or made negative statements about another human. The United States Congress.
14. Where did most of your money go? to the essentials. not a lot of mad money this year.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? a trip to Dallas (visited a high school friend and attended Hampton conference);my bowling birthday party; taking Jack to his first NHL game
16. What song will always remind you of 2010? I Gotta Feeling (Black Eyed Peas); Raise Your Glass (Pink), Colors (Crossfade)
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder?  b) thinner or fatter?  c) richer or poorer? A bit sadder, a bit fatter, a bit poorer. Moving on...
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? things that make my family smile
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? turned to my gadgets instead of being 'in the moment' with my family and friends
20. Did you fall in love in 2010? i fell out. a little bit. i'm working on it.
21. What was your favorite TV program? Glee
22. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I have some negative feelings that I'm trying to put into perspective.
23. What was the best book you read? I did not read one single book in 2010. fact.
24. What was your greatest musical discovery? Michael Franti and Spearhead, live at House of Blues
25. What did you want and get? a popcorn popper and a percolator :)
26. What did you want and not get? that special feeling
27. What was your favorite film of this year? The Social Network - the first movie my husband and I have been to as "just us" since 2000.
28. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? i turned 41 in 2010, and killed it during Cosmic Bowling with some good friends
29. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? meeting you
30. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010? boring
31. What kept you sane? social media - facebooking and tweeting and texting and scheduled conference calls with friends

2010... Out.

twas the night before Christmas

2010-12-24T22:55:00.000-05:00

wordless wednesday

2010-12-22T23:21:00.002-05:00

spt

2010-12-14T08:35:00.000-05:00

self-portrait tuesday

2010-12-07T22:18:00.006-05:00

because Crystal recently called me out on my As Seen on TV collection (please, PLEASE know that I came by these gifts quite innocently...):

please note, for entertainment purposes only. the owner of this blog is not endorsing any of these products. especially *that* one...

november

2010-11-30T09:23:00.005-05:00

my favorite month is wrapping the last of its autumn colored hours around my heart tonight. once again i wish i could rewind a few weeks and spend more time with you, november. but before you go...

thank you for a Thanksgiving birthday. thank you for special dishes and special notes from my son;

thank you for delicious pumpkin spice coffee from my birthday twin, Crystal (which i did NOT share with jack). thank you for #TdayBday and #BHSchallenge (follow me on Twitter! @lelly28461)

thank you for three uninterrupted hours of watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade while knitting with fabulously lime yarn.

and thank you for snuggies and red knitting needles.

thank you for the salad that i cannot stop eating: spinach, chopped apples, pecans, blue cheese crumbles and Mat-made pomegranate vinaigrette,

thank you for a 9 1/2 year old who understands the value of "making an appearance."

thank you for a Grampie to carve the turkey.

thank you for a fantastic grown up bowling party with grown up friends. thank you for letting me bowl a strike with my very first ball (even IF i did bowl out of turn and inadvertently give the "X" to my husband!)

thank you for then (senior portrait, 1987)

thank you for now (november 2010)

self-portrait Tuesday

2010-11-23T09:14:00.003-05:00

Lucy van Pelt: [holding football] Charlie Brown! Oh, Charlie Brown!
Charlie Brown: I can't believe it. She must think I'm the most stupid person alive.
Lucy van Pelt: Come on, Charlie Brown. I'll hold the ball and you kick it.
Charlie Brown: Hold it? Ha! You'll pull it away and I'll land flat on my back and kill myself.
Lucy van Pelt: But Charlie Brown, it's Thanksgiving.
Charlie Brown: What's that got to do with anything?
Lucy van Pelt: Well, one of the greatest traditions we have is the Thanksgiving Day football game. And the biggest, most important tradition of all is the kicking off of the football.
Charlie Brown: Is that right?
Lucy van Pelt: Absolutely. Come on, Charlie Brown. It's a big honor for you.
Charlie Brown: Well, if it's that important, a person should never turn down a big honor. Maybe I *should* do it. Besides, she wouldn't try to trick me on a traditional holiday. This time I'm gonna kick that football clear to the moon!
[he runs to kick the ball, but Lucy pulls it away]
Charlie Brown: Aaauuugh!
[falls flat on his back]
Lucy van Pelt: Isn't it peculiar, Charlie Brown, how some traditions just slowly fade away?

isn't it peculiar? some traditions do just slowly fade away. when i was growing up in a household of six, with one or more grandparent always within an easy trip, Thanksgiving had different traditions for me. i was fortunate to grow up in a house with formal dining room, and for Thanksgiving, it was set with my parent's wedding china and dishes overflowing with the "standard" dishes. we even had a swinging door that led to the kitchen, which made a pleasant *wooshing* sound as dinner plates were replaced with dessert. seated around the table were often friends mixed in with family, and cousins wearing plaid skirts and mary janes.

every once in a while, we traveled up to Connecticut to visit Grammie (who actually lived in a condominium!!) we even had our own version of "Over the River..." (Around the corner, and through the trees, and here we are at Gramm-eeees!)

and some years, Grabbie and Pop-Pop hosted the big meal. and there was always a plate with a stack of white bread on it for Uncle Bob. memories. i cherish every one of them.

it's different now. some traditions have faded away (i can't imagine putting a stack of white bread on the dinner table). but new ones are growing in their place. even as i sit here remembering my Norman Rockwell-esque childhood holiday, i am smiling about more recent memories - those i've created over the past ten years with my family of three.

erickson Thanksgiving table, c. 2008

Happy Thanksgiving week to you and yours!! may your life be filled with an endless abundance of traditions!

with Grabbie, c. 1974

i've run out of doors

2010-11-04T08:36:00.002-04:00

so, recently, i made this wreath and this wreath and i thought about making this wreath. but then, i realized, i've run out of space to hang all of them!

so instead, i made a tree.

and, yes, it was so easy... lelly could do it!

four years ago

2010-10-31T22:23:00.002-04:00

four years ago, i began compiling my thoughts about the "little things" in life. four years ago, i had a 5 1/2 year old who still wore homemade Hallowe'en costumes.

today, he makes his own (this year, a "spy")

four years ago, i was ruminating about split pea soup and beautiful food.

today, i have perfected our traditional Mummy sandwich

and whipped up a batch of "bloodworms"

four years ago, i embarked on this blogging journey.

today, i am amazed at all that it has given back to me.

thank you for spending the last four years with me! i'm looking forward to so many, many more!

xoxo
lelly

wordless wednesday

2010-10-13T09:44:00.001-04:00

spt

2010-10-12T08:29:00.003-04:00

i'm not a flowers-in-her-hair kind of gal. but some days...

it's production week (or "hell week" as we fondly call it) for my theatre's production of "The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee." so i've packed away some freezer meals and kissed my boys good-bye for a few days. trying to remember my lines and songs is grueling enough. now it's time to put it all together, with musicians, costumes, lights, sound effects, etc.

i'm playing the role of Rona Lisa Peretti and having a lot of fun with her. this show involves audience participation, and i'm really looking forward to poking fun at some (good-natured, i hope) volunteers!

this is the perfect week for me to break into song spontaneously! (oh, wait, i do that already...)

ain't no mountain high enough

2010-10-05T17:30:00.003-04:00

on saturday, jack and i climbed a mountain.

we were in atlanta on a sunny saturday. Stone Mountain beckoned, it's one mile(ish) "hike" to the top of the monadnock was brimming with families and scouts and "breast friends for life" teams. i love october.

the morning was cool enough for sweatshirts and we were full of enthusiasm. we could see our destination. folks young and old were already making their way across the pocked granite surface. we climbed and talked. and visited with a friend i hadn't seen in 26 years. we ate cereal bars and looked at trees covered with gum (yuck!) we sat in a shaded pavilion and watched a man stroll by, strumming his guitar.

and then, a mere 50 yards from the summit, we broke through the tree line. we turned around and took in the sites of Atlanta. we caught our breath. i pointed to the places where i had lived. and then i noticed: jack was done.

we were no longer on our destination UP. he was ready to go DOWN, and not even sure he could make it. something about the unfettered 360 views of Atlanta, the 1,600+ feet between us and sea level, the feeling of smallness. it proved to much for my little mountain climber.

we took one last look toward the summit. i summoned a few pep talks. but it was clear we were meant to go back down. step by "treacherous" step. incantations of "you can do it, jack" (all uttered by jack.) hand over hand, inch by inch. down we went.

and then, once more to the perceived safety below the treeline. surer footsteps and boundless enthusiasm. hand holding and laughing and patience. our feet never reached the top, but our hearts were in the clouds.